How to Hold On When You Feel Like Letting Go

How to Hold On When You Feel Like Letting Go

The landscape of one’s life can be profoundly altered by unexpected, uncontrollable life events. A terminal diagnosis; a fatal plane crash that results in the deaths of an entire family; a job loss and prolonged unemployment causing financial ruin; random, senseless murder. All of the aforementioned are examples of significant life events that can have a devastating impact on the emotional and spiritual well-being of those affected. During such times, the relevance and validity of one’s faith is often challenged. Where is God, we wonder? Does he care? And if He does, why did He allow it (the event that is affecting our lives) to happen in the first place?

The traumatic event, and the resulting emotional and spiritual turmoil, often results in a major life storm. Life storm is a metaphor which describes a major disruption or disturbance in one’s life that can negatively impact effective spiritual, emotional, physical or relational functioning. It is important that we understand some basic life storm principles . . .

Life storms are inevitable. Christians are not exempt from everyday life challenges. Your kinship with, and faith in God will not isolate you from life’s trials and tribulations. Consequently, odds are that during the course of your life, you will encounter a life storm. But do not fear, God will be with you during your storm! Remember, the first rule for successfully weathering any life storm event is to stay connected to God.

Storms are not equal in nature or impact. Obviously, some storms are more severe and have the potential to cause more damage than others. A storm which manifests itself as a literal threat to one’s life (e.g. a pancreatic cancer diagnosis) tends to provoke a more immediate and intense reliance on God. When our earthly existence is challenged, all other concerns seem to fade into the abyss. At the onset of a significant health challenge, there is usually recognition that we are not in control. Though we can seek medical treatment from the best doctors and avail ourselves of the latest therapies, we soon learn to take ourselves out of the equation. We often know of others who have gone before us in similar situations. Some survived, others didn't. We recognize that what we need is a God miracle.

However, in situations where the potential impact is less traumatic than potential death, we tend to surrender to God later, rather than sooner. Nevertheless, it is important to remember that no matter the nature or severity of our life storm challenge, the same principles apply. Our attitude and perspective should be one of surrender to God, the one who has the ultimate power and authority to bring us through our storm, regardless of its nature or etiology.

Storm impact is not isolated. You may be the primary target of the storm ---the one experiencing job loss, divorce or heath issues. Or, you could be a family member or close friend of the storm’s target. If so, you will likely become a ‘secondary’ storm victim and experience collateral storm damage. If it turns out that your life storm is a result of collateral damage from someone else’s storm, you too, will have to learn to successfully navigate storm waters. Though your stresses will not be the same as those of the storm’s primary target, you will find yourself impacted by your loved one’s storm.

Storms can destroy us or develop us, and the outcome is largely determined by our response. Some of us may come through our respective storms stronger, wiser and more compassionate. Others may become embittered, defeated and incapacitated by the storm’s impact. How we emerge from our storm is determined bur our perspective, which influences how we decide to react --- whether we turn to God or turn away from him. Admittedly, one’s initial response may be to turn away in disappointment, anger and despair. However, prayerfully, our ultimate response is that of returning to Him and his healing power.

When the storm hits, we often experience an emotional and spiritual battle. For individuals who have never encountered a major life storm, the initial impact can be overwhelming. Even for mature Christians, the severity of a storm can be incapacitating. A myriad of emotions is often experienced. Elizabeth Kubler Ross in her book On Death and Dying, described a series of five stages individuals go through in response to coping with a terminal diagnosis. I have adapted her stages ---denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance, into twelve progressive stages that describe the emotional battle encountered during a typical life storm event . . . shock; denial; avoidance; fear/anxiety/worry; anger; bitterness; depression/despair/hopelessness; guilt; bargaining; acquiescence; acceptance & hope. Successful navigation through these emotional stages is an important aspect of the healing process.

After the initial emotional battle, the spiritual battle often begins. However, both battles can occur simultaneously. Many of us, brought up in Christian homes, were taught that God is synonymous with love. However, it is often the contradiction between our perception of what we think God’s love should look like in our lives --- no problems, no challenges, and the reality of our life storm situation, that becomes the essence of our spiritual struggle. If God is good and loving, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent, why would he allow this to happen to me? Our focus then turns to the why of our storm and the what --- is there a purpose to our suffering?

The why . . . God sent, God allowed, Satan sent, Self- caused.
• Examine your pre-life storm spiritual walk.
• Develop and maintain emotional and spiritual authenticity- be transparent about your feelings with yourself and with God. He knows anyway@

The what . . . After coming to a point of acceptance of the why of our life storm, we often begin to explore the issue of what is God’s purpose in my storm? What does he want me to learn? Sometimes the lesson is clear, particularly when our storm has been caused or contributed to in some way by our own actions. The lesson is generally to change and eradicate problematic, sinful and/or unwise behavior. However, other times when the storm is externally caused, the nature and severity of the tragedy is such that it is hard to fathom that there are God orchestrated lessons which can result from our storm experience. In either case, but particularly the latter, it is essential that we spend time with God in prayer and in His word. It is there that we find comfort, answers and perspective. It is in knowing Him that we allow ourselves to trust Him and believe that good can come from bad despite our storm’s impact. Scripture reminds us . . .

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)