Knowing As We Are Known
An Exercise In Inner Stillness (A 29 Day Journey)
by
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“Who did God create me to be?” I had come to the realization that God had created me unique, but I had distorted my uniqueness with falsity. I wanted to discover who God created me to be, not who I had created myself to be. To do this I needed to begin identifying the false illusions that I had spun about myself, so that I could shed them and uncover my true self, the unique one that God had created me to be.
It was soon quite evident to me that although this was in many ways a very personal journey, it was in fact a journey every single human being must undergo if we have any hope of hearing God’s still small voice that tells us who we are. If we are to shed the lies that we have spun about ourselves in creating the false self, and finally discover the truth of which we are created and called to be, we need help.
The first astounding discovery I made was that I could not do what I had set out to do. I could not produce my true God-given self. At first quite disconcerting, it then dawned on me. If I am created in God’s image, and as a Christian saved by Jesus Christ, thus a person in whom the Holy Spirit lives, then this true self which I am seeking is already in the innermost depths of my being, my very heart, where God knows and speaks to me.
The search was not to obtain something. It was to discover something I already had, but was as yet unaware. This is the place where the Holy Spirit whispers to our spirit. The Apostle Paul, in Romans 8:16 states it thus, “It is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” NRS 1 It seemed right and reasonable to me that the Spirit was speaking to that true self within me. All those years while I was trying to create an identity that would satisfy my need to be respected, and to relieve my fear of rejection, God was speaking and calling to me as God's child. God knows this child, but does not know the false illusion that I had come to see as my identity. This is what Jesus meant in Matthew 25:12, when he said to the maidens who were not ready for the marriage feast; “Truly I say to you, I do not know you.” God knows the real me; the false me he does not know. Because the false me is an illusion, it is nothing, therefore there is nothing to know. God was already pointing to my true self while I was looking the other way developing the false self. As my false self becomes more and more evident I find that I can relinquish it and surrender to the true self that God is building in me. With this new-found self-knowledge, I am able to know God better because my true self is the very place that God knows me. The closer I get to God, the more I live out of my true self which is known by God. David Benner stated it quite succinctly in The Gift of Being Yourself 2 when he wrote “Knowing ourselves must therefore begin by knowing the self that is known by God.”
The false identity I had created to impress the world was an illusion, but the self that is known by God is my true self. Only in the discovery of my true self, the one existing in the presence of God, can I hope for inward stillness, the shear silence within, where I can hear God’s still small voice and live in obedience to God’s will.
As I reflected on key aspects of the journey, which as I have noted is still ongoing, I discovered a map of sort, not a linear, step by step document, but a guide to a dynamic ever present set of doorways that open and close, yet always lead my true self closer to God. These doorways are Contemplation, Waiting, Hope, and Assurance, each operating within a superstructure of Faith. This is important because we cannot begin the journey to inner stillness through these four doorways unless each is grounded in a deep abiding faith in Jesus Christ. Trusting God stands at the very heart of the journey because, along the way, so many situations, both good and bad, have the potential of derailing us. Faith opens us up to the light of God that radiates from the presence of God. Thomas Merton writes, “Faith is the opening of an inward eye, the eye of the heart, to be filled with the presence of divine light” (New Seeds of Contemplation) 3. This is the place where the true self resides. This is the place where inner stillness is experienced. Faith in God allows us to thank God for guiding us in life situations that can cause disequilibrium and chaos. Trusting the Lord gives us doorways that provide for the re-orientation and respite we need along the way. These doorways help us strip away the façade, discover humility, open our lives to surprise and patience, and rest in the sure and constant presence of God. In this way we journey toward peace, tranquility, rest and inner stillness.
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About the Book
Immerse yourself in that still place within, in which God speaks to the true self that you have been created to be. This book is more than simply information about inner stillness; it is a guide into the experience of inner stillness itself. This is the author’s journey to that place where God speaks to our spirits and calls us children. This is a call not so much to do something as much as it is a call to be who God created us to be. Through the experiences of contemplation, waiting, hope, and assurance, it is the goal of this writing that you will find rest for your soul, body, and mind in a fresh, new, and enduring way.
We all long to live from the center of an authentic self. Gene Yotka has provided an important resource for helping us identify and express a spiritual life from that center. His book is a gift.
-Dr. Steve Harper, Professor of Spiritual Formation, Asbury Theological Seminary
Gene has demystified contemplative prayer and made it accessible to the average believer.
-Dr. Stephen Seamands, Professor of Christian Doctrine, Asbury Theological Seminary
About the Author
Gene is the pastor of First United Methodist Church of Cocoa, Florida. He holds two master’s degrees, including a master’s in divinity (MDiv) and a master’s in pastoral counseling (MAPC), both from Asbury Theological Seminary. Through his extensive spiritual counseling experience and experience in pastoral care, he has become acutely aware of the dearth of inner peace for which so many individuals long. The search for inner peace and ways to guide others into their own still place has become a passion in his life. As a husband and father of five children, he has a burning desire to help them and others to find the inner stillness that they crave. Gene lives in Florida with his wife, MaryAnn, and their daughter, Victoria, who has just graduated high school and is on her way to college. They also have four other children: Beau, Kitty, Tara, and Kurt, all out in the world and doing wonderfully. Thank the Lord.