Not Just a Fairy Tale

It was a cool Saturday morning. The sun started to shine through the morning mist. The golden ray of the morning sun shone brightly on top of a hill where a majestic church was standing. The quiet morning atmosphere was suddenly interrupted by the engine sounds from several cars coming in to the church parking lot. Florists, musicians, ushers, and other workers were arriving one after another for the preparation of a big wedding just in few hours.

The groom and his groomsmen arrived just about an hour before the ceremony. After taking a few pictures with his attendants and family members, he went inside to get ready for the big event. Meanwhile, the bride and her bridesmaids came through a different entrance. They were getting ready as well with the flower bouquets and any last minute make-up touch ups.

The anticipated moment finally arrived. After a short praise and worship service, the officiating pastor, the groom and his best man came forward to the altar to wait for the bride. Then, groomsmen and bridesmaids walked down the aisle, one pair at a time, until the maid of honor made her solitary way down the aisle. As the musicians started playing Don Moen’s “Hallelujah to the Lamb”, all attentions were shifted toward the back of the church. Several dancers came out to prepare the way for the bride. Accompanied by her father, the bride moved elegantly down the aisle towards the groom. Finally, at the altar, the groom received the bride at the climax of the song.

Minutes after minutes, the ceremony went through smoothly. It was ended with a magnificent ride inside a stretched limousine to a grand hotel in downtown Los Angeles where the celebration would continue for one more day. The joyful celebration was followed by a spectacular honeymoon trip to the beautiful island of Hawaii and the newlywed couple lived happily ever after.

Does it sound like a fairy tale wedding? It was actually a real story except the “happily ever after” part. The above story was a short description of our wedding celebration at the Shepherd of the Hills Church in Porter Ranch, Los Angeles, California. Do not get me wrong. We are happily married, but we have not always been jolly in our marriage life.

I was born and raised in a good Christian family. My father, who had become a pastor, was a very active member of our church. I had attended Sunday school and church services since youth. I had been involved with ministry since I was in junior high. During my college years, I became one of the youth leaders in my church. I was also involved in the ministry as a musician.

My wife was also raised in a good Christian family. Her father was also a pastor, although of a different church. During her college years, she was also involved in a lot of ministries as a singer, a dancer, and a choreographer. Together, we had led several church events, including winter camps, Christmas celebrations, and various other performances before we got married.

Based on our backgrounds, it’s easy to see that both of us were deeply rooted in Christian family; therefore, our marriage should, ideally, be a great one. We had been close friends for about five years before we got married. We served in the same ministry and had lots of things in common. However, all of these were just the beginning of our journey.

We were still close together in the first few years of our marriage. Unfortunately, we had gradually shifted our focus away from our marriage without realizing it. We started to occupy our lives with activities and commitments that slowly drew us apart from each other. Shortly after our first daughter was born, I received a job offer that required me to move from LA to San Jose, the city of Silicon Valley. It was a big step of faith for us because we only knew one old friend of mine in the area.

We decided to join Jubilee Christian Center, which happened to be the only church that we knew in the San Jose area. We passively attended the church as regular members for a few years while we continued to occupy ourselves with works, kid, and hobbies. Later, I decided to join the music ministry but without the blessing of my wife. This new commitment for the ministry, along with my expanding role at my work place, slowly took more of my time away from my family.

While I was fulfilling my commitments to the ministry and other interests, I neglected my role as a husband to my wife and as a father to my daughter. My wife and I had drifted apart from each other. We did not have any intimate communication anymore. Even though we were still communicating, our conversations were only about superficial things. Finally, we arrived at a point where we realized that our marriage would not survive if we did not make drastic alterations.

During our wedding day, we would have never thought that nine years in the future our marriage would be falling apart. We almost did not make it to our tenth anniversary. How could two good Bible-believing Christians with a great start end up with a marriage that was falling apart?