Turning Points:

There is no one cookbook recipe to a happy relationship

 The term a “happy relationship” is relative. The criteria for judging whether a relationship is good or bad changes from person to person. That is why it is important that you and your loved one work out what happy looks like in your relationship. While I believe there is no one cookbook recipe for a happy relationship, there are some ingredients that are always present in happy ones. Toping my list are unconditional love, respect and forgiveness. Great relationships are never contractual.  A relationship based on an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth is sure to fail.
There are many available resources on making relationships successful. A lot of this information can be confusing, since people give conflicting information on similar situations. In my experience, outside resources should serve as guides and not rules. No one knows your situation like you do. Although situations may be similar, people are different and they respond as such. No two cases are ever the same.  What worked for some couples may not work for yours when you try them. Knowledge is powerful when it is applied. So, I gather all the resources available to me and ask myself how I can apply them to my circumstance. There is no one-cookbook recipe out there. You have to customize all the resources available to you and make them your own.
What does a happy relationship look like for you and your partner? Remember, it all starts in the mind.  A future you cannot picture, you cannot feature in it. You may need to sit down with your loved one to discuss and make a road map, of what a happy relationship looks like for both of you. It is okay if you are not there yet but you know what direction you need to be headed.
 Regardless of your relationship health status, you can start your journey by creating a successful picture of a happy relationship in your mind. Napoleon Hill says it like this “Whatever your mind can believe and conceive, it can achieve”.

Celebrate those who celebrate you

Are you running in the crazy cycle? Have you realized you may be chasing something you cannot have? You keep trying so hard to get the attention of those who ignore you while you take for granted the kindness of those who offer their love freely. It is human nature to chase, that which eludes us and elude that, which chases us. I was a victim of the crazy cycle until I came across the wise saying.  “Celebrate those who celebrate you”. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you. You wont have to prove a thing to them to feel accepted. You are not on a performance-based relationship with them. They love you for who you are and what you are. No wonder it is so easy to be yourself around them. It is always great being around or discovering such people. True love is a gift and should never have to be earned. It is a fact of life that people have a tendency to take for granted what they don’t work for, but it is also interesting that the best things in life are free.  If that’s the case, you need to be careful not to take for granted relationships that come easily into your life. My advice, celebrate those who celebrate you.

Whatever you take for granted becomes grounded.

I am sure we have all heard the phrase, “You don’t appreciate something until it is gone.” I decided that was not the model I wanted to follow for my life.  Thinking back, I discerned if I had let some of the people in my life such as colleagues, acquaintances, friends and family know how much I valued them and their contributions to my life, things might have been a lot better.  Whatever you appreciate increases in value and whatever you neglect depreciates. The end result of this neglect is a loss of valuable connections and relationships. Hammerstein says it best “A song is not a song until you sing it”. Love is not love until you give it away. It is not okay to just appreciate things or people in your mind. The people in your life are not mind readers. You need to let people in your life know how much you care about them and not assume they know how you feel. Assumptions kill relationships. Speak out and show people you care.

Good friends are like the moon, they remind you of how valuable you are especially during your dark times.

Stars are never seen during the day though they are always there. They shine brightest when it is pitch dark. Such are true friends, you may not always see or hear from one another all of the time but they always show up when it matters, in that hour of need.  
A kind person ran up to me the other day to give me my wallet that had dropped from my pocket.  I was so thankful because I imagined all the trouble and pain I would have gone through if I had lost it. This is the same feeling of comfort I get from my friends and family in my dark and down times. They always remind me that my trials are punctuations and not periods. Great friends always remind you that life is like a football match and your trials are the half times. You can have your opportunity at life again. Believe in yourself and camp your tents with people who believe in and want the best for you. Get connected with your old friends again, no one knows you like they do. They are like warm blankets when the world goes cold on you.

Abra-ca-hula

Imagine you are asking for directions in a foreign country where no one understands you. You would have a hard time locating your destination. Likewise in relationships, when you do not understand each other’s love language, it leads to confusion, frustration and even breakdowns in communication. Your love language is your personal way of expressing and interpreting love. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor of over 30 years and a New York Times bestseller author wrote a book titled “The Five Love Languages”. He identifies the major love languages as words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and giving of gifts. It was a book that changed my life and the quality of my relationships. It is a must-read for anyone wanting to take their relationships to another level. Do you know what love languages your loved ones speak?  It is important that you know the love language of your friends or loved ones so that you save yourself the frustration and ensure your intentions are not perceived wrongly. Communication is the foundation of solid relationships and understanding your loved ones love language will surely give you a head start. A love language is not about you but the other person. It is each party doing things that bring out the best in the other person.

Team Player or Lone Ranger

Being a part of a team does not mean losing your individuality or originality. A true team player is also a lone ranger.  A true team player knows that in order to be effective to the team, he has a responsibility to prepare and develop his skills. It is only when his skills are honed that they can benefit the team. When team members do their part, it is easier to work together to achieve a greater goal. The ideal team player knows when to play each role. We are only as strong as our weakest link.