You Deceived Me

YOU DECEIVED ME A young man contemplating marriage once asked his father how much it would cost him to get married in terms of pecuniary value. “My son, the father said, ‘I guess I don’t actually know the exact cost of marriage, because since I got married to your mother, I have been paying the price.” In a similar vein, a young girl from an occidental culture once asked her father this question, “Is it true that people from Africa don’t actually know their intended spouse until the wedding day?” “Of course’, the father retorted, ‘it is the same practice all over the world. I did not really know who your mother is until after our honeymoon.” “Don’t mind your father,’ the mother interrupted, ‘He deceived me! I didn’t know exactly who your father was until few months after our wedding ceremony. Your father is a terrible man. He deceived me.” That phrase sounds familiar isn’t it? Read the following story between Anita and Toju. “We were students together at the University. I was proud and quite confident. I had many admirers, and then Toju came along and started pleading with me to love him and marry him. Even though he was good to look at, but I was not impressed. However, he continued to be the one who ran after me and flattered me with much attention. In fact, he literally worshipped me. I could get Toju to do anything for me. It made me feel like a queen. I accepted to marry him. I thought I would be treated in the same way all my life, but I was in for a shock! Things changed after marriage. He did not seem to care anymore. He began to criticize my manners, my looks, and my character. I could not understand it at all. We had a joint account and all my money went into it. Only Toju could withdraw money out of the account. He gave me no money. He went away on weekends with his women at my expense. Sometimes he would mockingly say, “Have a good time; Bye. I am gone!” Indeed, he would be gone. My whole being was breaking. I felt humiliated and asked myself a million times, ‘is this me or someone else?’ Sometimes, it was so horrible that I thought it was a dream from which I would soon wake up; but alas, it is not a dream or it is a dream that has been going on for ten years!” This story between Anita and Toju is just a snapshot of what some married couples are already going through in their marriage relationship. Perhaps, you feel your spouse has deceived you and that the price you are already paying for the “luxury” of marriage is not commensurate with what you are getting out of it. You desire to call the entire relationship a quit. Please do not. No matter the state of your marriage and emotional disposition right now, as you are reading this book, I want you to know that your story has not ended. Your story has not arrived at its closing stage yet. There is still hope. Even though your life has become an elegiac verse of sorrows and deception, God’s Word promises restoration. May the words of God as recorded in Joel 2:25, embrocate your wounded soul. “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillars, and palmerworm…” Joel 2:25. ARE YOU CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE? To those contemplating marriage, this book is also my contribution to their lives. We live in a period when many young boys and girls are rushing into matrimonial life bereft of the necessary where-withal to deal with the challenges that may eventually surface after the honeymoon. It is my earnest prayer that the materials contained in this book will go a long way in helping our tyro-youths in their hour of matrimonial needs. The content of this book is not its entirety exhaustive. This book is arranged to assume the gab of a compendium; to equip us for the challenges ahead and to bring a tonic of resilience into already wonky marriages. The time of tears is almost gone. It is time to rise and come away from your mourning because the winter and rainfall is past. The Bible says, “For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth. The time of singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land” Solomon’s Song 2:11 – 12. THE HALL OF THE HIGHEST HUMAN JOY When God instituted marriage, He originally intended it to be the hall of the highest human joy. Unfortunately, to some it has become the deepest pit of human pity. The other day, one of my clients during a counselling encounter said, “Sir, I’m afraid of this marriage of a thing.” “Why?” I asked, “Because of the ugly testimonies I’m hearing from married couples.” She retorted. God’s original aim for instituting marriage is for us to enjoy and not to endure it. Just as we have, bad marriages we also have sound testimonies of good marriages. Let us read two testimonies from about two couple who are enjoying their marriage. God will also make yours to be one of such. Abu and Mofe “Abu has no job but got married to Mofe who is a banker despite Abu’s fears and advice that it is not good to marry without a job. Every month, Mofe will give Abu her full salary N135, 000 thousand naira [about 1000 dollars]. After removing her N15’000 naira tithes, Abu will always give the wife N20’000 naira for personal up keep and thereafter determine what happens to the remainder of the money. This thing happened for three good years. There was happiness in the family and Mofe never refuse to do her primary home duty for those three years despite wrong advice from friends. Friends often told her, “Mofe, you can't pay the bills and still be doing all the work.” There was a particular month Abu used about N70, 000 thousand naira to travel to several places for different job interviews. Then Abu finally got a job with a good oil firm in Port-Harcourt, Nigeria. His salary was N600, 000 thousand naira monthly for a start. He bought his first car (a brand-new) for N4.5million naira and gave d wife d car key. He then took public transport to work for about 2 years before he bought the second car for N6 million naira. After he bought the second car, he took the keys of the first car and gave the wife the key of the second car. They lived happily together as husband and wife. Mofe and Abu finally moved into their personal house after a few years. On a certain day, the Mofe was searching for some documents when she tripped across a file hidden away from obvious view. When she opened the file, she saw her wedding picture when she was very slim in the first page of the file. She finally saw that the document to the purchase of the land and every other thing in the house contains her name only. At the last page was their wedding picture and a note written by the husband, ''My wife is all I have – not even this house worth 24 million naira [at the time] is valuable as my wife. This couple got married in 1998. Last Sunday [19th February 2012] was their wedding anniversary with two children a boy and a girl. True LOVE still exists up until this day. The second story is about about the undying love between Miriam and her husband Rahim “I just love my husband. To me he is better than the entire world put together. He is just above all of them. He is kind and gentle. He is very understanding. I am very clumsy and disorganized; but he patiently puts my disorder into order, and over the years, I am learning to be orderly. He is a wonderful father to the children. He loves them and supplies their very needs. He carries them in his heart and oh, how he prays for them. As a family, we know happiness. Our love is increasing. My heart still misses beats as I wait for him to come back from work.