Dear Daddy

Normal wasn’t a term that would be frequently used to describe my life and at the age of thirteen things went from abnormal to unthinkable. In the middle of that summer afternoon, as one of my cousins and I were playing in the basement I heard something that would change the course of my life. The words came in the form of a scream and they are etched forever into the annals of my memory. “Oh please God no!” And then I heard her shout my mother’s name as my grandma discovered the body of what was her last remaining child, and my last remaining parent. Earlier in the day, my mother had decided to lie down for a nap. This was not an unusual thing for her to do and no one would have thought much of her desire to sleep for a while. At some point during her nap she had a second heart attack and as a result never regained consciousness. She died in her sleep, she never complained of chest pain or any other symptom that would indicate what was to happen that day. Grandma called 911 and once again the ambulance came to our house to take our mother away. This time she was pronounced dead before she reached the hospital, this time I knew that she was not coming back.

Normal wasn’t a term that would be frequently used to describe my life and at the age of thirteen things went from abnormal to unthinkable. In the middle of that summer afternoon, as one of my cousins and I were playing in the basement I heard something that would change the course of my life. The words came in the form of a scream and they are etched forever into the annals of my memory. “Oh please God no!” And then I heard her shout my mother’s name as my grandma discovered the body of what was her last remaining child, and my last remaining parent.
Earlier in the day, my mother had decided to lie down for a nap. This was not an unusual thing for her to do and no one would have thought much of her desire to sleep for a while. At some point during her nap she had a second heart attack and as a result never regained consciousness. She died in her sleep, she never complained of chest pain or any other symptom that would indicate what was to happen that day. Grandma called 911 and once again the ambulance came to our house to take our mother away. This time she was pronounced dead before she reached the hospital, this time I knew that she was not coming back.

God had broken our deal, I had left Him alone but here He was attacking me again. What kind of cruel joke was this? By now I just knew that God didn’t care about me and I would have accepted help from anyone at that point. My problem was that I wanted help on my own terms. I knew what I needed and no one was offering. I knew who God was, I knew who Jesus was and what He supposedly did on the cross and I knew who satan was. Think about it, not even satan wanted to help me and believe me I asked. I must have been something totally worthless for satan to not even care about me, a girl so pathetic that I couldn’t even find a place in hell. How unwanted could a kid be? Not one of them lifted a finger to help me and I told them all too just get out of my life!