I am a Witness

I returned to work. My girlfriend’s mom, who used to work in preschool and had experience with children, watched Angela. I paid her for her service. My husband continued his roistering life style. I was running out of patience and I seriously thought about a divorce. I also started feeling nauseous and went to consult a doctor. She told me I was pregnant. To me it was a huge blow. I did not plan to have another child. My husband did not work and drank, I had no one to help me. I wanted to divorce my husband, send Angela to preschool and continue working. But my pregnancy squashed my plans. My mom recommended I did an abortion. She saw my hardship, she knew everything was on my shoulders. The second child would put double responsibility on me, he must be fed, clothed, provided proper education.

I will be honest - I cried. Who was going to raise my kids when I worked all the time? They would be destined to grow on streets and how would the streets raise them? I knew I was going to lose my job as I would not be able to fulfill all my duties. I considered the abortion. I thought how much easier my life would be without the second child. But I could not just think about myself, I thought about the baby growing in me. Didn’t I pray to God and with tears in my eyes asked Him to save Angela when she was sick? How could I now kill a child just because I was afraid my life would become much harder? No, I couldn’t do it. So I continued to pray asking God to be with me and continue helping me as I was going to be a mother of two.

I continued working and take care of my family alone. I went to a gynecologist who recommended another surgery to save the pregnancy. I was told to come back in three weeks with my belongings. Then I went to work and was asked to go and see the head accountant. The accountant told me I was to resign - not because I was pregnant, but because her sister needed a job. So I would have lost this job anyway, had I done the abortion. Well, it was what it was and I came to terms with that.

Three weeks later I went to see my gynecologist as agreed and she put me in a hospital. I was put in a room with 8 other women, all with different ailments. The head doctor examined me and drew my blood for analysis. Two days later she returned with results and said we were in a very difficult situation. The surgery was necessary to save the baby, but could not be performed because I had an infection and I had to get well first. She could not put me on any pills because the fetus was too small. I turned to the prayers again:
“Lord, my life is hard already, do I really need to go through all of this? I beg you, let my pregnancy develop properly, and let me have a healthy child, save it from any harm, from any infections. “

A week later I had the surgery. If the doctor had postponed it any further, I would have lost the baby as my uterus started to open in the 12 week of the pregnancy.

I soon found another job and was again working from morning till night. I considered myself a single mom as I could not depend on my husband at all. One month before I was due I returned to the hospital to remove the stitches and began the advent. The doctor suggested we accelerate the birth but I refused. I was tired from carrying the “big belly” but I wanted to give birth when my child was ready. I knew I was going to have a girl. And I dreamt she would be beautiful, smart, deft and strong. When I was pregnant with Angela I wanted her to be beautiful, smart, intelligent and musically talented. And my dreams came true – I have two girls who turned out exactly like I dreamt about.

While in the unit, I befriended another woman – she was 36 and she was going to have her first baby. She told me her story. She married a beloved man. Their was healthy and friendly relationship but she couldn’t get pregnant. They went to doctors, doctors told them they both were healthy but still didn’t have kids. Her husband’s sister suggested they get divorced, suggesting he needed a child to continue their family line, but he wouldn’t listen. They loved each other and were hoping for a miracle. Then, the sister found out about a Christian orthodox church and a visit of a prophet who was scheduled to preach there and pray for the sick. The woman and her husband attended the gathering and both liked it. The prophet then asked who wanted to repent of their sins. The woman and her husband stood up, said a prayer, repented of their sins, the priest put his hands on their heads and prayed for their salvation, for God to bless them with a child. Soon after the woman got pregnant. She went to see her gynecologist who confirmed her pregnancy.

I met the woman’s husband – he came every day and brought her fruit. Finally, the time came for her to give birth. I prayed to God that to bless her and her baby. The child was big and the doctors decided to do a C-section. And a beautiful boy was born, healthy and strong. The woman was doing well and her husband was very happy.

The time came for my child to be born. On August 30, 1996 I gave birth to a girl. She did not cry. A nurse immediately took her away into the nursery without showing her to me. Only when the nurse started washing the baby I heard her crying. I was lying on a bed and the doctor was writing the history of birth. Everyone was very quiet. Then I was transported into a mother-baby unit and fell asleep and slept for 20 hours.

The doctor came into the unit and read how each child was born and what needed to be done. She told me, my baby was born in green, cloudy waters and the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. It was a miracle the baby did not die. I thanked the doctors and the God and the Jesus Christ and the Guardian Angels and the Holy Spirit for everything.

My daughter was brought to me on the following day. Oh how beautiful was she! She had big, blue eyes and wore a startling resemblance to my husband. I kissed her, hugged her and prayed for her. I loved her with all my motherly heart. I fed her and she was taken back into the nursery. I wanted to get up but I couldn’t, I felt my body was hot. I called for the doctor and was immediately transported into a procedure room. I was examined and my tissue samples were taken for analysis. It turned out I had an infection in uterus and in blood. The doctors were concerned and moved me into an isolation room. They put me under an IV and gave me shots. I was running temperature – 104 F and felt terrible in general.

My friends from the church came to visit, brought some fruit. My husband came with white carnations, my mom and Angela waited for me at home. The evening came and I felt physically really good, my body was ready to dance but emotionally I felt very, very tired. I dreaded the next day, again a drunk husband, lack of money, awareness that everything was on my shoulders. And I shouted that I wanted to die (I was only 26). I was exhausted, fagged and did not want responsibilities. I did not want to leave the hospital, I felt good there because, for a change, someone was taking care of me.