Of Bananas and Hard-Boiled Eggs
An ESL Curriculum on the Journey Toward Biculturalism
by
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Chapter 4
Saying “No”
"In our Japanese culture, we don't say 'No' or 'Yes' directly; it is impolite. So it is very awkward for us when we come to an American home and the host says, 'What would you like - coffee, tea or water?' It takes a lot of energy to respond positively. So we will say, 'Everything is welcome for us, so please choose for me.' When we care so much for another's feelings and want to continue a good relationship, we will try to follow the other's lead in our responses and make them happy. But the American hosts often want to give you what you really want, so they will ask the same question again. Then we don't know what to do....
In a similar way, if an American says once, 'Please come to my house,’ that is usually a genuine invitation and s/he expects an answer to that direct invitation. But we often hesitate. In Japanese culture, it is polite to say 'Please come to my house' but the real invitation is not there. It is just a polite way to show respect. Therefore, a Japanese person will say 'Please come' 3 or 4 times; then you know they really want you to come and you will be there."
Dr. Michiko Takahashi (visiting scholar in the U.S. from Japan)
The Japanese are not the only ones whose culture is indirect in saying "Yes" and "No." There are many ways people will try to communicate "No" without being direct. It may be by word, gesture, or action. Here are some common ways of communicating "No."
1. To hesitate, lack enthusiasm, be silent.
2. To present an alternative offer.
3. To postpone a decision.
4. To blame a third party or an outside circumstance for rejection of a proposal.
5. To avoid a direct response.
6. General acceptance but without any action on specifics.
7. To shift the discussion to another idea or proposal.
adapted from Managing Intercultural Negotiations, Pierre Casse and Surinder Deol (pp.145-46)
Vocabulary
Alternative – a choice between two or more things
(to) Avoid – to keep away from; to keep from happening
Awkward – feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed or ashamed
Direct – honest, straightforward
Enthusiasm – happiness or interest about something
Genuine – real and true not fake
Harmony – living and working well together
(to) Hesitate – to pause or stop momentarily; to be unsure
Honesty – Saying what one really thinks or feels, what is true
Host – the person who invites you to their home or party
Impolite – rude, not respectful
Indirect – to avoid a straight-forward answer
(to) Postpone – putting off until later; to delay
Proposal – a suggested plan
(to) Reject – to refuse to accept, agree to, or believe
Respect – to show honor and special favor
Comprehension
1. Many Japanese people do not say "Yes" or "No" directly because it is considered __________.
2. What do the Japanese look for before they respond?
3. What do you feel like when Americans speak directly to you or to others?
Discussion
1. Discuss some ways you say “No” indirectly.
2. In a specific instance when you said “No” indirectly, did the person you were communicating with get the meaning you hoped for? Why or why not?
3. How can you balance harmony and honesty in your relationships?
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Book Details
About the Book
America as a nation is arguably the most pluralistic nation of the twenty-first century. It is common to hear many different languages in the schools, shopping centers, airports, or neighborhoods in the United States. ESL classes help people of these different language groups learn how to communicate in English, so it is only natural that an ESL curriculum addresses topics relevant to a person’s journey toward biculturalism. The goal of this advanced English conversation curriculum is to help ESL learners mainstream into the dominant culture and develop a comfortable bicultural identity. That way, they can be at home in both their culture of origin and their new “foreign” culture. The expectation is that through English conversation practice and discussion of topics relevant to them, learners will develop the confidence to move outside the cocoon of their own language group. They can then interact successfully in English in the daily routines of life because they understand English and can be understood by English-speaking people. The content is developed from real-life stores, written by a team including ESL learners about issues they have experienced in learning how to live successfully in the United States. Since the curriculum is discussion-based, it gives the learners the opportunity to discuss their feelings and to support one another in their cultural adjustment.
About the Author
In her career, Dr. Codman-Wilson has worked side by side with internationals who co-pastored with her, was immersed in the Asian-Indian community in Chicago, and held “Growing Up in America” seminars with her Sri Lankan colleague. Her ESL curriculum grew out of her Ph.D. studies and has been field tested in the ESL classes she has taught. She and her husband, their children, and families live in Chicago.