Fearlessly Single

Single women look confident and solid when they walk and talk. They look like they have it all together and are on top of the world. We make other people think that we have it all together while we cry ourselves to sleep every night and wishing we had a person next to us warming our bed. We try to enjoy being single but deep down inside we know we would love to have a family of our own. This reality comes to light when we see a couple walking hand in hand and looking happy. Something inside us rises up, and resentment takes its toil on our hearts. Outwardly we pretend to smile but inside we are saying “cut it out. Not everyone wants to see how happy you are” but another part of us says “I wish that was me.” These are some of the struggles that we single women face while we wait for our happily ever after to come. As Christians when we get saved we don’t get caught up into heaven and all the feelings and emotions we had before we got saved disappear. Most likely this is when we start battling with our feelings, and most of all, our worst fears. Reading books on dating and marriage made me realized how insecure I have been. I have been running after men, doing what they want me to do out of fear that I might end up alone. It is so amazing how women normally give up their morals in order to conform to society or to live comfortable lives. I was so unhappy because I kept wanting what I didn’t have, which is a husband, and hating what I had, which was singleness. James 4:1-2 “what causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want…” It is so amazing how as single women we always want what we don’t have and despise what we have. We fight hard to be in a relationship that we forget the gift we have in being single. We take for granted the freedom that we still have as single women (this is something that I will discuss more in chapter 5). The other issue that women need to deal with is the issue of conforming to what society wants, we conform to seem normal and fit in. the bible says in Romans 12:2 “do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”. Everyday that we spend time in the word of God we are renewed in our mind, we are transformed in the way we live and see things. We are no longer of this world but belong to God, we have been bought with a price. We have to choose if we will live for the world or for God. We also get tempted to say that God has forgotten us. We look at our friends and they have all the things they need and we have nothing. “God does not show favoritism” so we must not think that God loves others more than us. There is nothing that we can do to make God love us more or less. The mistakes that we make might make God a little disappointed in us but he will never take his love away from us. God like any parent who loves his children and wants the best for them. A parent might be disappointed that you got pregnant at a very young age but will always love you. I wish somebody told me about the love of God a long time ago because I always used to think God had people he loved more than others, that he would give them all the things they need and leave me behind. I learned throughout the years that those that God loves chastises and those how wants to see growing he prunes. It is not about God loving others more its about purpose and growth. Run your own race and forget about comparing. When it came to relationships I have been disappointed by the men I dated. I longed for a godly man to ask me out and marry me. I started dating a man who I thought was godly because I was desperate to get married. I was not sure if I really loved him but I went through with it anyway. I just wanted to finally settle down and stop looking around to see who I can date. I was bitterly disappointed when the man turned out to be something I was not expecting. At first I tried to convince myself that I was happy but I was not. Where does one draw the line? When is it time to make a run for it? How does one know if he/she is making the right choice? Who is there to help determine what the right choice is? The time finally came when I could not cover up any longer. I was tired and disappointed that I gave up. I came to realize that no matter how hard we try not everything in life goes according to our plan. Sometimes one may get disappointed along the way while trying to reach their destination. Does this mean that one should give up or lie down and die? There are a lot of people in this world who life chew up and spat out but they are still hanging on and still hoping for the best. One of my friends, Sally, is an example of this. She wanted to be a doctor. She loved dancing and having fun. Unfortunately her life took on a sharp twist when she got pregnant and had to choose between being a mother or chasing after her dream. Things always look easy when one is looking in from the outside. People would have said “she could have gone back to school and followed her dreams”. Life was not that easy for her. As I mentioned before, things do not always go the way we planned. Sally could have been depressed and blamed everyone for what had happened to her. She could have moaned and cried until she had no tears to cry. She did no such thing. Sally picked herself up and took another route. Life will always throw you off your course, but what you do with what life gives you is of the essence. God wants us to learn and grow. God says “for I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11 .We might have missed the mark but God works everything together for our good. He knew we were going to make the mistakes we made and he does not beat us on the head with a stick but loves us until we heal. He loves us until we can get back up again and run the race that is set before us.