Keeping My Secrets but Not from Him—He Is All-Knowing
In the Beginning and All the Days Since
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I have carried this secret in my mind and heart since I was two years old. When I got older I knew that one day I would tell my story. For several years I worked on the outline for this book. Each time I would run into a friend or family member who brought back a certain memory, I would take out my pad and add to the outline.
In 2008 I became ill, fell, broke my neck, and was hospitalized for quite a while. After I was allowed to go back to my apartment I now wondered what God had in store for me. How can I serve him and my community in this condition.
One night, after having gone to bed, I started to cry. I was asking God what was to become of me, would I heal and be an asset to the community and my family? Just as I was about to fall to sleep, I heard this still small voice say "what about the book you want to write? You have a story to tell", and then I fell to sleep.
the next morning, after remembering that still small voice, I got up, showered by myself, which I was not supposed to do, put on my best clothes and sat down at my computer and started to write, and write I did, until 2:00 a.m. the next morning. I was truly blessed by the words as they flowed from my mind and heart.
The writing came easy, but along with the writing, came old memories that started to affect me and my health. Again God was there for me, in the form of a very wonderful doctor that helped me through the panic anxiety. He connected me with a great therapist that helped me to control the anxiety.
What a blessing! Now that I have confided in some of my family members, the healing has begun. Every day gets better and forgiveness has set in, releasing the hatred in my heart for this person who did this abuse to me.
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About the Book
God has given us the capacity to turn difficult situations around. Author Marilynn Warner Arkerson truly believes that when something bad happens, He will make something good out of it. Her experience of childhood sexual abuse at an early age, and waiting until she was almost eight years old to confide in someone, changed who she was.
Unfortunately, she does not know if that person ever told anyone else, especially her parents. Growing up in the 1940s, she grew up in a time of sweeping things under the rug. She was not allowed to talk about such things; it would have been a family disgrace. When we carry these secrets with us, it affects our relationships and our ability to cope with the smallest of discord. Everything bad that happens in our presence is our fault, and friendships are destroyed.
This book has been Arkerson’s freedom. She still has issues to deal with and more forgiveness to experience, but she is on the right tract and God is on the same track with her. She urges anyone who is harboring something bad that has happened to them to tell someone. Go to your doctor; start with him or her. Go to your favorite teacher or supervisor at work. Seek treatment, and most of all practice forgiveness. It takes a while, but it will happen and it will free you!
Your days become much more peaceful. You become more understanding and patient. You start to feel the joy in your heart, and you are willing to help others overcome their demons. Life becomes exactly what God has planned for you. Please read Psalm 139 in the Holy Bible. If you do not have a Bible, borrow one from a friend or walk into any church, no matter what denomination. That is what Arkerson lives by, and she reads it almost every day. It will help you to understand that you are a very special person molded by our maker, God in heaven!
About the Author
I am qualified to write this book because I have a very vivid memory, and have been working on the outline for this book for many years. I have been carrying a secret around with me for many years and after watching several shows on television, with people telling the same same story that I experienced, I felt it was now time to for me to tell my story and perhaps help others who have dealt with the simular circumstances.
This book is directly from my memory and from my heart. I want people to know that if they have a strong faith in God they can get through anything and that God is always with us, whether what we are experiencing is good or bad. He never abandonds us. God is always with us.
I am a transplant from Syracuse, New York and presently live in Waterloo, New York. I volunteer as an administrative assistant at a local Methodist Church and am also the church co-treasurer. I have been teaching ballroom, latin, swing and country dance for about thirty years of my life and love music of all kinds. Music and dance is a great healer of the soul and mind.
I believe every one has a worth and everybody has a story to tell. I am privileged to live seventy years on this good earth and have always tried to give back. Family, love and communication is very important to me as well as my Christian faith. I was raised by two parents that instilled in me the importance of helping others and showing love. There were no predjudices in our home of any kind.
We can have many bad things happen to us, but it is not who we are. We can overcome and shape our lives to be beautiful and joyfilled. I have been blessed to have many, many wonderful family and friends beside me. I feel God has placed these people in my life just when they were needed. My survival of this abuse that happened to me as a young child has been purely by the grace of God. I own Him the praise! Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a gift, so savor the moment you are in. My only wish as far as my "yesterday memory" is that I did not confide in my parents. They surely could have helped me through the ordeal!