A Donated Life

Time was running out. When the Doctor initially told me that I only had six to twelve months to live, my life was in the headlights of an oncoming train! How does one tell his children, ages 9,11, 15 yrs of age that this is my last Christmas with you? How do you tell them their father is dying? How?...When those moments in life come, the benchmarks where a son turns to look at his parents, I won’t be there. I cried with a voice I had never before heard come from me. Then, slowly, but proficient as a hired killer, it came for me. It was a serial killer and torturing it’s victims is it’s M.O. it began with dependence on self administered shots that turned me into an invalid of pain and suffering. Each step of the process failed and my children and wife witnessed me become a first homebound then a Bedbound patient of a “sickness unto death” What burdens they carried! In 2004, I spent every major and some sub-major holidays admitted to the hospital. I lost forty pounds in one night when they removed nine(9) litre hang bottles of water that looked like beer from my abdomen. Forty pounds!! Being in the hospital so long, I learned to read faces and mine was a case study (I was at a teaching hospital) in watching total decimation of dignity, grace, pride. You lose it all when you cannot shower alone and incontinence takes on a whole new meaning. I was dying more and more ,day by day, and where once your children perceive you as Dad, The Provider, You are now Dad who cannot control his emotions, who always wants to talk because he thought he had time to give you these pearls he has found but life takes away their time too. You feel alone, more than you have ever been, You want the solice of solitude but when it gets quite, you wonder why your family and friends are not there? It is a horrible, but painless way to go. When I crashed in the E.R. in Seattle, I began to dream dreams like you would find on old album cover jackets like Sergeant Peppers and some of Elton Johns earlier ones. I figured when I stopped dreaming, I was gone. I gave this malady to myself and “Paid the Piper” Along the way, but I was really supposed to die. When I did not, I was threatened by my surgeon not to and wheeled around like a prize pig not to the patients at the Veterans Hospital, but to the staff to show And encourage them that if they do all they can, God can do the rest. This liver is failing but I will see my first son I raised stand before God and man and take a woman he has chosen through the Mystic, the great unknown as we begin a long journey. My middle son stunned the school and busted my buttons of my shirt, making and lettering the Varsity Track team as a freshman.How much pride I have in the possibilities he holds within if he listens to those before him, one day he may stand on an Olympic podium. I hope he thinks of me when he gets there…. Nick is blooming and for all intents and purposes looks as if he will be an astute promulgator of a cause that will affect thousands of lives,for he has the oratory and mind of a deep thinker, he only need a cause to focus his skills on to succeed. To my Brother Dan, You have taught me more than I ever taught you.You took nothing and built a formidable engine if Capitalism without becoming snide or feeling the need that you needed to step all over everyone else to get there. My family is another blessing and though I cannot name you all, all have impacted my life. You may influence from afar but to impact, you must be willing to take a chance of getting real close. Thank you for the impact you have had on my life. “A donated life” is how God could take one’s so steeped in sin, and despite it all, step in and allow the world to see that he is willing to forgive the worst of us. I testify of that in this book. Make sure your friends in need get this, your sons and daughters, and anyone in limbo whose loved one is slipping away. Don’t never, ever, nener, never ,ever quit believing. Leave this world believing on God and whether He answers your prayer or not, make sure it’s prayed for His will to be done. Man has changed the mind of God before, he can do it again. The Bible says man’s days are numbered. As much as I have failed myself and others, I feel I have failed God the worst. God spared my life so many times from sitting still at a green light, knowing I should go but not putting my foot to the gas, when suddenly a car blows through the intersection and I am speechless at just what happened. How does one not attribute that to a higher power when scenes like those play out in my life on a constant basis? I never stood up for God. I never told the world my only pride comes from being a child of God. I have close relatives who limit God but as Soloman prayed after buiding the temple. “if the Heaven of the Heavens cannot contain you,how much less this building I have built.” The world today sees itself unraveling like the string on a baseball, but we in Jesus see a Master Plan unfolding. What is your perspective friend? if your spiritual eyes were opened a second you would see angels about you,recording your deeds, and either jesus or His Angel awaiting your submission to freedom, more than you have ever known. Stories like mine should be told ,just to prove He is still listening. I have no insurance, as you will see in this book, but Part of your money goes to Donor Awareness groups, God for back payments owed, and to the support ogf my family. I hope you enjoy it and never feel guilty about passing it on free to one who needs it. God will, and has graciously provided for us. May God Bless you and may you tell me what you thought of it at the Tree of Life one day.