Choice for Change

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CHAPTER ONE
Shipwrecked on a Desert Island

“If I have trust, then I can find hope.”

As my husband reached down to the hot, oil-stained pavement, I brushed back my curly, blonde hair from my eyes and looked on with curiosity. He picked up a tarnished penny and declared, “In God We Trust.” I muttered under my breath that one-penny isn’t going to buy us anything. My husband, Dennis, refused to acknowledge my dismal attitude and declared with excitement that this penny was a reminder that God is our provider (Genesis 22:14), even if it’s one step at a time. As if Dennis was speaking to his former congregation in Texas, he told me I needed to be encouraged by this finding and continue to trust whatever He is doing in our lives. From memory he quoted Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV), “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”He proceeded to exclaim that God knows our circumstances and what an honor for us to be chosen to go through such a trial (James 1:12a). I didn’t share his enthusiasm and couldn’t understand his genuine thrill over his find. Like David, Dennis is truly a man after God’s own heart and his words pierced my inner being, making me feel terribly inadequate. My heart was sour with discouragement and even though I knew God was with us, I couldn’t get past asking, “Why, God? Why would You allow a pastor’s family to become homeless, jobless, and penniless?”

CHAPTER FOUR
Afloat

“When Christ calls a man,
he bids him come and die.”
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It was as if I was left standing alone on my desert island’s shoreline, watching the waves endlessly tumble over and over. Staring at miles of water before me, there was no rescue boat in sight. How would I survive? My face flushed with agony and my heart beat with a feeling of abandonment. Why had God left me I wondered? How could I set sail to reach my paradise? In that moment, fear overtook me. I was overpowered with no control of the situation. I had discovered a graveyard on my desert island. While I was away, the lives of those I cared about had flourished and now upon my return, I stood buried in defeat. In a moment, I whispered the words, “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” from Hebrews 13:5 (NKJV). Reciting God’s promise helped calm my labored breathing.

Plummeting down onto the hot, sandy beach, I peered at my baggage strewn before me. The large, heavy wooden trunk was most telling, as it contained my past. If only I had thrown this heavy monstrosity overboard to lighten the load, I wouldn’t have found myself on this deserted island! I pried open the trunk to see cluttered before me, pieces of clothing I had worn at various times over the years.

Cautiously, I picked up my tattered sweater of loneliness. All the elasticity was gone from hugging my body so tightly. I scooped up my black velvet, ankle-length dress and studied the discoloration down the entire front bodice. There lay remnants of tears of sorrow I cried over time. Every stain held a story. A glittery piece of long fabric caught my eye. Who would have guessed that such a beautiful eye-catching material would have wrapped up my fears? At least it deflected the gaze of others from the truth I had hidden inside.

Lying nearby was my list of corporate ambitions. I relied upon them to fill the emptiness I concealed within. After all, an important career would offer me purpose in life. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a small worn out zippered bag. The bag was so faded that no longer could I tell its original color. Carefully, I unzipped the bag and examined its contents. I took notice of the various eye shadows, pencils, and lipsticks. How could I forget my daily ritual of hiding my insecurities? I spent a great deal of time searching for the perfect face to create, in order to gain acceptance by others. Never was I content with my looks, but I decided my priorities had changed. My walk down memory lane had knocked the wind out of my sails, so I tossed the bag aside, lay back onto the sand, and while closing my sleepy eyes, I began playing old memories over and over in my mind.
God has given our universe four seasons to purposefully carry out a much larger portrait of life. I take pleasure in spring more than winter because I enjoy the new multi-colored plant life jumping up all around me and the returning birds, while parked at their feeders outside my bedroom window, chirping a beautiful melody. Winter, for me, is too dismal and lacking color. The once aromatic, blossoming, vibrant-colored flowers die and the tree leaves plummet onto the hard, desolate ground, leaving barren, brown sticks that blend in with their surroundings. Gone for a while is the sweet pungent Jasmine smell that fills my senses as I walk up to my front door. With the bitter cold temperatures, I feel stagnant as I remain snuggled indoors by the fireplace, fighting with my dry, chapped hands as I attempt to crochet a new line of scarves and hats to keep me warm. I hate being cooped up inside like a hibernating bear awaiting notification that it is time to emerge with renewed determination to forge ahead in life. So, I cling to my awareness that as soon as winter dissipates, spring will once again command a new beginning.

If you are experiencing a gloomy, deserted and dry, winter season in your life, be excited that spring is on its way! Rejoice in knowing that just as the sun sets, it will rise once again! New life will erupt, exposing a beauty you have never known. Your journey will not come to a standstill, because God has so much more for you and your future.

I agree with the saying that the most difficult trial is the one you are currently going through. Our ship had sailed into unchartered waters and as I stood on the deck surveying the vast sea before me I felt queasy in my stomach. With miles of turbulent waters on the horizon there was no land in sight. I could only question my inner being if we had been given improper directions. Assuredly our compass didn’t fail!

In true surrender, I fell to my knees as my anxiety bubbled over into tears. Here is where I confessed to the Lord my weakness and fear of so much unknown. Gently, He reminded me that He was my anchor and would not allow me to drift off course. I needed His stability for this new voyage. Quietly, I asked for calmness on the sea, as I was fearful of the tempest brewing about. Immediately, I connected with Peter’s fear during a storm he encountered at sea (Matthew 14:29-31). It wasn’t until after the Lord beckoned Peter, that he obediently got out of the boat. However, when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus, because he was afraid, he started to sink. I related to that vivid picture of Peter’s panic as I reached out to grab ahold of my Savior’s hand.