Learning to Jump Again
A Memoir of Grief and Hope
by
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Life passes by in a fog. No one tells you that the funeral lingers. In fact, no one tells you a lot of things. No one tells you that viewings are something you will dread, but still cherish. No one tells you that people make so many shallow but well-intentioned comments. No one tells you that the viewing is the last place you want to be, but it’s also the only place you want to be. No one tells you that a casket with a dead father sears your soul. No one tells you how horrifying it is to decide whether or not to touch him, or kiss him, or maybe even just look at him while he is in the casket. No one tells you how important eulogies are, and how inadequate. No one tells you that you want to bury him, because this experience is hell, but when the lid finally closes and the ropes begin to lower him, your grief is a bottomless well. No one tells you that the funeral is the easy part. No one tells you that the loneliest nights are not the ones preceding the funeral, when friends and family are near, and when adrenaline is still raging. It’s not even the night of the funeral. No, the nights that crush you are one week, five weeks, three months later, while sitting on your back deck at night, family in bed, the reality of your loss pressing you into the cushions of your deck chair while you offer up prayers for solace that you secretly fear are as ineffectual as the ones that failed to save a man much better than you. No one tells you that, while meandering through an ordinary day, doing ordinary things- say, you are driving - you will suddenly be THERE, with your Dad, and you will be crushed for thirty seconds by the weight of that memory. You will have to pull over until the grief lets up enough so you can ease back into the traffic, and then you re-enter the flow of life, just a little more broken than before. THAT is what no one tells you.
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About the Book
As a pastor and teacher, Anthony Weber tried to help people deal with the grief that accompanied the death of a loved one. In 2003, he experienced that loss for himself when his father, a minister and counselor, died of pancreatic cancer while still in his fifties. Suddenly, Anthony’s personal experience challenged his carefully crafted theological understanding of pain and grief.
Anthony had to revisit a lot of big questions that he thought were resolved: Why is life so hard? What kind of God allows this, and why? Why do I feel so disconnected from others? How do I handle the roller coaster of emotions? Why am I now consumed by fear? How should I view the presence of pain in the world? How do I, as a pastor, teach my congregation how to pray when I can't pray anymore? Can I doubt? How long can I cry? And how long will God put up with me?
Learning to Jump Again allows us to grieve at the ripple effect of death, grief, and loss—but not without hope.
"I read Learning to Jump Again straight through—except for the times I had to stop and wipe away the tears. Refreshingly honest, Anthony's insightful and winsome writing style helped me process some of the emotions of my own father's death twelve years ago. I hope this fine book finds its way into the hands and hearts of millions dealing with death and the grief that accompanies it.”
Nick Twomey, Founding/Lead Pastor, Bay Pointe Community Church, Traverse City, Michigan
“An unusually candid account of a man of faith wrestling with God through the death of his father. Anthony Weber brilliantly articulates the raw realities of being enshrouded with grief and the struggle to get beyond.”
Jacquelyn Kaschel, Mlitt, PNH1, CEIP-MH
About the Author
Anthony Weber is a pastor, teacher, coach, husband, and father of three boys. He holds degrees in English education and theology, and currently lives in Traverse City, Michigan. In his spare time, he promotes good athletic programs by prominently displaying Ohio State’s logo wherever he can.