Jack’s Journey

One morning, in the Pilanesberg Game Reserve, Jack’s daughter woke everyone up with a very loud whisper! “Lion” she shouted in a hoarse whisper. The entire party shot bolt upright out of their sleeping bags, the two Wilderness Guides the first to stand and take stock of what was happening. There, some one hundred yards away, stood two lion. They casually observed the party camping under the fig trees, unaware of the turmoil they were causing. Excited and nervous chatter prevailed over breakfast and when the day’s trail began there was a great deal of trepidation and wondering. How many more were out there? The trail party walked in a straight line, the two Guides up front with Jack bringing up the rear. Jack recalls looking behind his back to see all was clear many times on the trail! The reason the two Guides led up front was in the unlikely event of gunfire no one would be caught in the crossfire. And it was an unlikely event as such trails had a perfect safety record. The Guides were professional in all they did, conservation lovers who carried weapons only for use in the event of an extreme emergency. An hour or two of walking and seeing nothing surprisingly undid the nervousness of the earlier sighting of the lions. The group became more relaxed as the day wore on. That was until one of the Guides stopped abruptly in his tracks, raised his hand in a gesture to stop, hurriedly took a few steps back and fell over a rock. The first thing Jack noticed from the back was the Guide fall over and was perplexed as to what was happening. Then the entire party saw the danger. Some thirty yards in the shadow of a tree stood a black rhino. Black rhino tend to be more aggressive than white rhino and are known to charge if felt provoked. Walking upwind from the rhino combined with the rhino’s poor eyesight, it did not see or smell the trail party. Whispered instructions ordered the party to retreat quietly and slowly, always on the lookout for a tree to climb should the rhino charge. There were twelve in all and about five decent trees, which meant survival lay with the fastest runners! Whilst retreating, the rhino let out an ear-piercing scream, dust flew in the air as another unsighted rhino charged and attacked the rhino the party was retreating from. Seconds of confusion and panic set in, as it was difficult to tell exactly what was going on. Thankfully, at incredible speed the battling rhinos fought off each other in the opposite direction. What Jack discovered on these wilderness trails was the amazing power of the rite of passage! It was mind-boggling what the young men and women learnt. The learning was written in their hearts, forever, he felt. The rite of passage did what a million words, lectures and sermons could not do. The young adults were initiated. Sleeping under the stars in the tracks of the African wildlife, going down under the water symbolically “drowning” and “coming up” again, encountering wildlife on their terms in their environment and eating a sacred meal prepared together, powerfully spoke into their lives. They learnt they were not in control, how vulnerable life actually was, that they would go down but rise again, how they were connected to the universe, to creation and to the ancients, how the elders collectively spoke wisdom into their lives and how safe they actually were in the place of abomination. Amazing life lessons with few words spoken. The parents overseeing the process and the wilderness guides leading the trail were not left untouched. Nor was Jack. They were all processing these things, recognizing their own personal need to be initiated, so as to understand what life had already delivered to them. The one particular piece of water was up in the hills and freezing cold. Jack went in first and wondered if anyone else would brave the cold to join him. By the end of the experience they were all in the water, each taking a turn to go down under the dark cold water (how powerful a symbol was that) young adult, parent and wilderness guide, they all went down, some understanding what was to come whilst others were interpreting what had already happened. Jack came out of these experiences processing all that had happened to him, how necessary and inevitable these things were and how his falling was making him a better man. He rolled in the ashes of his life. He gave thanks to God for keeping him safe and doing a deep work in the abominations of his life. Through rites of passage and initiation Jack found grace upon grace, grace that was more than sufficient for his life. Could it be, Jack thought to himself, years later after the events took place, that the difficulties he experienced as judgment by some, and gossip and rumor by others, was actually part of God’s judgment? It is still blurred in his mind because some of what happened did feel unfair to him, but that it was still a necessary and inevitable part of his journey? Certainly years later he is more at peace with it and can see, despite the agony he felt at the time, it did force him to reflect, with a greater honesty, all that happened to him. He has let go of that part which was gossip and rumor and focused more on the part that he needed to face and deal with. Today, Jack sees the actions of the church and it’s leaders all as grace in his life. The good and the bad experiences, the clear and the confusing moments all led him to the place of grace. He wants to shout out loud that it is a long and painful and difficult journey! It took years. A journey of self-doubt, fear, anxiety and shame on the one hand, and on the other a journey of hope, salvation, love and discovery. If the church were not there to hold the checks and balances, to say the things no one else could say, would one be able to arrive at a place where the restorative work is done? Now, Jack would answer this question, “no,” the work could not be done without the stern and painful examination of character the church required of him. Jack’s still not sure when this salvation journey he has been on, ends, when you can close the chapter and move on. He suspects you can’t–it is an ongoing, constantly lived out journey of growth and healing. But what he did see is that his life moved on and new doors of opportunity presented themselves and as he walked through them he slowly rediscovered his passion, dignity and call. The greatest learning Jack discovered on the initiation weekends he led was how some of the young people experienced going under the dark cold waters. They described the experience as akin to a place of abomination, an “immoral, disgusting, or shameful” place according to the definition of the word. However they explained how they felt strangely safe and at peace “under the water.” Some used the analogy of the womb, a safe dark watery place. They felt safe because they felt God was there. God was in the place of abomination? They had nothing to fear when they went down in life for God was waiting for them. And surely, as the waters of baptism promise, they shall come back up again, changed and renewed. Amazing Grace! What a beautiful thing to happen, even the very sin made God’s grace shine even more. The immoral, disgusting and shameful place turns out also to be a place of grace.