Beware of the Dog
Breaking Free of Abusive Relationships
by
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The police, standing in our doorway, politely asked, “Are you okay Mrs. Barter?” I could feel Barry breathing hard behind me, silently raging, asserting his control. Wow, what a moment of truth for me when I realized there was only one answer. “Yes, everything’s fine.” There would have been hell to pay if I’d told them the truth and gotten him in trouble. The event revealed the extent of his control over me. I became painfully aware how trapped I had become.
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About the Book
Nothing I had believed was as it seemed. This was the bottom of the pit for me. I’d endured abuse for twenty years with my first husband only to now have spent another five and a half years of my life being chewed up and spit out by another man who I believed in. The first one exited my life spewing hateful, vulgar, blaming curses as he was sinking into self-loathing and suicidal episodes only to then point the gun at me. Then, again, in my simple quest for love and partnership, my devotion was rewarded with hatred, deceitfulness and destruction.
After twenty years of teaching Family Life Education and experiencing the devastation of abusive relationships, I offer real life tools to enable the reader to recognize real love, avoid the counterfeits and understand God's desire to heal us when we make poor choices.
About the Author
After teaching Family Life Education to high school students for the first ten years, I realized that my own family life presented a stark contrast to the elements of healthy families. I have experienced the painful and lonely circumstances common to too many others within the confines of domestic violence.The power and control needs of the abuser penetrate the minute details of daily living. Fear becomes the status quo in which the victim dwells and carries on. I was captured within that fear and manipulation for over twenty years. I was painfully aware of the disappointment I felt as a wife and mother, unable to gain the cooperation of my husband to embrace the importance of our positive and wholesome role modeling. His angry outbursts turned to rage over time and I was left dazed, trying to love him better somehow, hoping it would make all the difference. My desperate search for answers and solutions has revealed some truth about these issues which has enabled me to share these tools with hundreds of students in the classroom. I also appreciate the confusion that abuse creates while trying to be faithful to ones marriage vows and live in obedience to God's will. I live in a small town in Maine with a warm and loving, good natured husband. My adult children, including a wonderful daughter-in-law, are near by, thriving in their career pursuits as teachers. My stepsons pursue their own dreams in California. I have never laughed so much, had so much fun or had so many travel adventures as I have had in the new found freedom that I now enjoy as my true identity emerged in Christ. To God be all the glory!