Life Lessons from My “Papa”

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“Don’t Worry About Tomorrow”

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. —Matthew 6:34

One evening a group from my church was sitting in my living room discussing a section of a book we were reading about death and aging. My husband and I had some insights, since we had just experienced my mother’s home-going. We didn’t want to upset my papa, so we were talking cryptically and pointing at him when referring to him. Others joined the discussion when all of a sudden my papa, who otherwise remained quiet, spoke up. He said, “I’ve been listening to you all talk, and I have just one thing to say!”

Eyes darted around the room as we panicked a bit, thinking he might be upset. All eyes rested upon him, waiting to see what this old blind man was about to say. What was this one thing he wanted to say? “I’m hungry; someone make me a sandwich!” Everyone broke out into laughter and the meeting was over. After all, Papa was hungry!

We have many funny moments like that, and I’m grateful for them in the midst of the day-to-day grind of his care. But what about death? How long will my father be with us? Many times his step over to eternity seems very near. In fact, when he first came to live with us, I was convinced that it would be a very short season. Everyone was saying that an older spouse usually lives no more than a year past the time of their partner’s death. He had so many strikes against him physically, including a diagnosis of prostate cancer.

I remember a conversation I had with my sister many months ago. Papa was not doing well that week and he seemed to be weaker than usual. I told my sister what was happening concerning his condition. As we continued to speculate on how or when the hour of his death would be, she said, “Elizabeth, ten years from now we’ll probably still be having this conversation!” We both laughed as we realized how ridiculous it is to assume that we would know what only God knows for sure.

I did have a breakthrough one day that helped free me from the plaguing questions about how long and under what circumstances Papa’s time on earth would be. One of the worries I had was whether we would be able to handle his care if things got worse. I would ask questions of the professionals to help me prepare ahead of time for any sudden changes. Our desire is that my papa remains in our home pain-free, comfortable, and surrounded by family members who love him. The thought of him being in a nursing home or hospital bed makes me sad, and I’ve asked God if He would take him as he sleeps in his own bed at the appointed time.

I know I can ask my Heavenly Father anything as long as I’m willing to let Him answer with His best. Sometimes in our own stubbornness in wanting things a certain way, we can miss the blessings when the answers don’t come according to our expectations. I had prayed for years that both my parents would die peacefully in their sleep, and my precious mother died from pancreatic cancer in a hospital bed within three short weeks of finding out that something was wrong. Yet in those three short weeks, surrounded by such sorrow, there were many moments of pure joy and beauty I am grateful to have experienced.

Only God holds the future, and none of us knows what it may look like. Just as He had equipped me in times past, I will once again have what I need when the time comes. I need only remain flexible and willing to take one day at a time and to adjust when needed. Entrusting my desires to Him and bowing to His sovereignty brings me great peace. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow.