Life Lessons from a Broken Heart

Masquerade Ball

We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.

Andre Berthiaume (Author)

Have you ever attended a masquerade ball? Everyone is secretly cloaked behind a mask. This kind of special event is more true to our everyday reality than what one might imagine. We put on our masks and show that person of interest our very best selves and get polished up. In an effort to be liked and loved, we’ve all put forth the very best impression of ourselves that we can, particularly in the beginning stages of a new relationship. We don’t expose our flaws or blemishes for fear that that person won’t like us or, worse-case scenario, will reject us. If he or she truly knew the reality of what we are, he or she might think twice. If you had a crystal ball to see what this person was really about, nine times out of ten you might be inclined to run the other way. I knew of someone who would repeatedly rush into marriage. I believe that he purposely did so, to minimize the risk associated with them leaving the relationship. Essentially, that’s a form of entrapment because the women married the representative, not knowing the man behind the mask who would eventually appear.

Time is truly a gift and can be your best friend. Through the course of time, in the vein of becoming comfortable, the true self starts to appear and stay. Time allows oneself to truly evaluate the truth behind the mask. Time will reveal whether you are in relationship with an authentic self or if that person is hiding behind a mask to cover the reality of who he or she is. When you are comfortable with yourself and are unapologetically real, that person with whom you are in relationship with can decide if your true self is for him or her. If you have someone who loves you in spite of your flaws, that is true genuine love.

With the best of intentions, sometimes people try to become something for the person they love. Although their heart is in the right place and I’m sure they mean well, they run the risk of not being genuine with themselves and with the person they are with. In the past, I had spent some time with a gentleman who had an incredible heart. Although he had a heart to want to develop his Christian walk, I knew he would become a Christian for me. Let it be known that I never demanded this of him; however, he was aware that this was a trait I so desired in a mate. Although I admired his love for me, I also knew that that was the beginning of a slippery slope because his motivation was more about me and less about truly desiring a spiritual walk with God for himself. You see, he was willing to go that extra mile for the greater benefit of being in relationship with me. The Lord revealed to me the danger behind this. Once that individual has you, he or she is less inclined to continue desiring a relationship with God because his or her heart desired it more for reasons other than for spiritual growth. Nine times out of ten, that person doesn’t maintain their faith walk because their motivations weren’t in the right place.

Unfortunately, our heart sometimes gets in the way. We proceed with our heart and make decisions that aren’t the wisest. Sometimes those decisions can result in a failed marriage, divorce, affairs, children, baby-mama or daddy drama, or worse, death! I’m sounding a bit dramatic, but truthfully, that is and has been someone’s reality. If you knew in advance that your spouse would eventually end up killing you, doncha think you would have gone stage left? I’m definitely not trying to make light of this kind of situation, but there have been numerous times in which I’ve flipped the television channel only to stumble upon Dateline broadcasting the latest tale of a domestic dispute that ended in murder. Tragically, that has been the reality for someone!

Unfortunately, I believe that we treat critical decisions so casually. Not until we come out on the other side do we realize how casual decisions can have lifetime consequences.

Life Lesson: When a relationship takes a turn for the worst, we ask ourselves, “Who is this person?” Truth be told, that person never really changed; however, we can now see what we should have seen about him or her from the beginning. We must realize that some people come into our lives as a blessing and some go out as a life lesson. What lessons are you learning from those who previously had access to your life and how do you apply those life lessons to those who now present themselves to you?