His Promise . . . 20 Years Later

Have you ever thought your life just couldn't get better and then in flash found it all slipping away? I have and I remember begging God to speak to me. "If you are really there, God, help me, Father; tell me what to do as I am so confused. It was the spring of 1989 and in my moment of despair God gave me a clear picture of a little boy with blond hair in blue jeans, a red baseball hat with a bat on his shoulder, and He spoke to me: "Give Him Life."

The words whore, slut, sleaze began running through my head. How would I be described or talked about? How could I have let this happen to me? The shame took over and embarrassment. People would know that I had sex. How disgraceful!

As I look back now I know without any question, God sent an angel to me on that night, to speak hope, truth, and life where I was so blind to see any kind of reality.

As we pulled into town, I was preparing myself for the verbal onslaught of what a horrible person I was. I was expecting to get looks and verbal accusations of judgment and disgust at behavior that would put me in such a predicament to disgrace their family. I could envision it all as we slowly pulled into the driveway, and my legs felt like dead weight. I was having a hard time breathing. Shaking in fear, I walked to the front door and as we approached, the door swung wide open and there was his mother in the doorway

She turned to Doug and they hugged with tears in their eyes. She whispered into his ear, “I’m sorry son; she has her mind made up.” We both got in the car and began our journey back to school.

The silence between us was deafening. Doug was quietly wiping tears of grief, and I sat staring out the window wondering how in the world I could even be in this place. I went over in my head my conversations with Sandra. I remembered her word of reality-- this child was a blessing from God, a human life. I realized I had never even called upon God in all of this. I had never even asked him for his help or counsel. For the first time in weeks I silently prayed, calling out to my Father whom I had known so well. I remember my prayer clearly even today. “God, I am so sorry I have fallen to the sin of my flesh, and I don’t know what to do. Please, God, speak to me; tell me what I need to do.” And as the landscape outside the window whizzed by, the image became clear. I could see a little boy with blond hair in blue jeans and a red baseball hat with a bat on his shoulder. I looked at Doug and pierced the silence with the words; “We are having this baby. God just showed me; we are having a little boy.” Doug looked at me in stunned disbelief. Again I said, “We are having a baby boy.” I told him I had no idea how I was going to ever tell my parents that I was becoming a mother, and as I paused to ponder it for myself, God answered me, "Trust in Me."

This prayer became a song I wrote "Trust in Me." I share this experience with you, so that you might be encouraged and understand that there is hope for you also. God does have a plan for you and it won't all come together at once. It's a journey that He reveals one event at a time. You just have to listen to Him. And just like for me, there will be a time in your life when you will look back on the journey and realize how far you've come and that He was there with you the whole way.