Held by God
Finding Hope that Endures Through Difficult Times by Recognizing God’s Provision
by
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Mom to the Rescue
Over the years we found that some aspects of our relationship with our parents remained the same no matter how old we got. Despite our age, our mom has always been our mom, and even as adults we found comfort and security in that relationship. Being separated by only eighteen years, we’ve always had a close relationship with her. After moving away and establishing our own families and households, we still relied on Mom’s opinion and her wisdom. She was always there to listen and provide “Mom advice.” Whether it was child rearing techniques, where to find something that was lost, or how to cook a turkey, we sought her opinion.
Part of the emotional struggle we faced when Mom got cancer was the reversal of our roles. Instead of her being the caregiver, we were now caring for her. We gave her our advice and direction, and she dutifully followed. She trusted us to care for her, just as we had always trusted her to care for us. Although we were glad to do this for her, that role reversal brought with it some sadness as well as a loss of security. We felt as though we had lost the mom we remembered from our childhood.
Lynn said that she had always enjoyed going home because she got to “be the kid again.” She would sleep in her old room, and in twilight sleep would hear the sounds of home. The television would be on, and Mom and Dad would be talking in the other room. In those moments she was a child again, without the responsibility of a job and a mortgage. The burden of adulthood was stripped away and she was safe in the protection of her parents. Someone else was in charge and she could sleep peacefully.
When Mom got cancer, all of that changed. That sense of “going home again” was no more. When we went home now, we were in charge and responsible. There was no peaceful sleep. There was no sense of security. Home was no longer a place of comfort. Mom’s appearance and demeanor had changed, and at times it was difficult to remember her the way she used to be. The loss of that childhood relationship with her was very painful and just another reminder of what cancer had done to our family. We knew that we couldn’t change the circumstances and gain back that childhood relationship, but in God’s provision, he allowed Lori to get a glimpse of the mom we remembered.
The days of chemotherapy were very trying. We were all worn out, physically and emotionally. Lori was there for the weekend without Lynn, staying in the bedroom closest to Mom’s room in case Mom should call for her during the night. Exhausted one evening, Lori dropped into bed. She wasn’t asleep very long before she had an awful nightmare. While still asleep, she could hear Mom calling to her in her dream.
“Lori, Lori, you’re having a dream, wake up.”
She finally woke to find Mom coming through the doorway. Although weak and mostly confined to her bed, Mom somehow found the strength to get out of bed unassisted and make her way down the hallway toward the sound of Lori’s cry.
For one brief moment, it was as though nothing in our lives had changed. There was no thought of cancer. There was only Mom bringing comfort to one of her kids. Mom was Mom again. She was needed, so she put her own weakness aside and came to help. Lori was reminded that Mom was still Mom on the inside regardless of how much the cancer had ravaged her body on the outside. It had taken so much from her, but it could not take away who she was. She was still our mom and always would be. For a short while, Mom was given the strength necessary to come to the aid of one of her children, and Lori experienced a momentary relief from the burden of being in charge. God knew that an exhausted child needed her mother’s reassurance and perhaps the mother also needed the opportunity to be the caregiver once again, rather than the recipient of care. Through the provision of one nightmare, he provided for both.
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About the Book
How can we find hope that carries us through the difficulties in life? At some point all of us face times of hardship, suffering, and despair that can turn our lives upside down and break our hearts wide open. During these trials we may feel alone, overwhelmed by circumstances, and afraid that God has abandoned us. In the fog of adversity, we hold our broken hearts in our hands and cry out to God, “Why?” “How could you let this happen?” “Where were you?” Catastrophe can shake the stability of our world, leaving us to wonder about God’s love for us, and raising even more questions. Why am I suffering? Will this trial ever end? How will I get through this? Does God even see me? In Held by God, the authors share their own struggle with these questions as the family travels an uncertain road through three serious medical challenges; catamenial pneumothorax, renal artery stenosis, and cancer. Written in a conversational style that weaves Biblical truths throughout the narrative, the book intertwines the authors’ story with the accounts of Job, Paul, and King David, among others, to provide unique examples of God’s unchanging character. Understanding God’s faithfulness and recognizing his provision, allows us to find rest during times of turmoil and gives us a hope that endures.
About the Author
Lynn Willers holds a Bachelor of Science degree in microbiology with a minor in chemistry from California State University at Long Beach. She has 19 years of experience as a Senior Criminalist at a large county Sheriff's department. Her work experience includes research into several forensic science topics. Results of her research have been presented at professional meetings and published in the Journal of Forensic Sciences, the Journal of the Clandestine Laboratory Investigating Chemists and other law enforcement publications.
Lori Phillips holds an Associate of Applied Science degree from Portland Community College. She has 24 years of licensed clinical practice as a Registered Dental Hygienist with a General practice/Forensic Odontologist. Like her twin and co-author, Lori has received continuing education through the American Academy of Forensic Sciences among other organizations.
Both authors are patients who have been diagnosed with and treated for catamenial pneumothorax (CPT), a rare form of endometriosis which causes the lung to collapse during menses. Their collective science backgrounds, analytical skills and research experience have given them the tools necessary to become their own health care advocates, allowing them to take an active role in their treatment plans.
They are co-developers of Catamenial-Pneumothorax.com, an on-line resource for information about CPT. Since 2003, the web site has enjoyed top search engine ranking with Google, Yahoo and MSN. Weekly, the authors correspond with CPT patients (and some doctors) from all over the world.