The Sun Will Rise

The Beginning

How do you begin writing about the end? Where does the story start? Does it really end?

This is my story. Or should I say, the story of my sweet Eleanora.

The journey with Eleanora really started on my 27th birthday, long before she was born or even conceived. Nick and I had been married for almost two years with the idea of kids somewhere in the future, but not anytime soon. After being laid off and searching for a job for a year, Nick finally found one and started in November. Swinging 12 hour shifts and traveling 1.5 hours each way was tough, but it was a job and it was a good one.

My birthday in January went like every other year with no one making a big deal, but one major thing happened. When I woke up that day something clicked for me. That morning I knew with absolute certainty that I was ready for a baby. Nick didn’t understand and I can’t really explain it either, but I knew whenever it happened, I was ready.

Typing it out now, it seems silly. With all of the uphill battles we were already facing, I can’t explain why, except that I felt it in my heart. I told him it did not need to be today or tomorrow or even next month, but I wanted to start the conversation. While most of our relationship we were on the same page, we were both ready to move in with each other, get engaged and married – we hit a road block when it came to the topic of a baby. At one point, about a month after telling him I was ready, he told me he did not think he ever wanted kids. I told him that was a deal breaker. The conversation stopped there and we went out that night.

Fast forward to June, I had a major medical issue and Nick was so afraid he was going to lose me. I was in pretty bad shape when one day he turned to me and said, “I am ready now, let’s have a baby.”