Honor for Aging Parents

Chapter 1 HONOR

“Honour thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” - Exodus 20:12 (KJV)

“To care for those who once cared for us is one of the highest honors.” -

Tia Walker

What is honor? Schools have an honor code for conduct and testing. Sometimes honor means to show appreciation and gratitude with a special tribute or privilege, such as a holiday or parade for veterans, celebrations for a winning team, or a discount for senior citizens. A Judge is called “your honor” because of an elevated position of power. Other synonyms for honor include praise and accolade. The word honor simply means to offer RESPECT and DIGNITY.

Honoring one’s parents and elderly family members is an attitude of loving kindness demonstrated with actions. I do realize that not all parents are nurturing and most homes have some degree of dysfunction. Problems, hardships, and even neglect are a part of our imperfect world. I was blessed to have loving, caring parents, so this was much easier for me. As long as we keep respect and dignity as our standard, we will promote quality living for those who cared for us when we were young.

When did we stop speaking to our elders with civility and respect? How about standing in the presence of an older person, immediately offering our seat, holding open a door, assisting with managing steps? Why do we assume that all senior citizens are senile and have little to offer? There was a time in many cultures where the elders were sought out for guidance and wisdom. We forget that these seasoned veterans of life are survivors with valuable lessons of endurance. The answer is probably when manners and etiquette disappeared and our society began worshipping the essence of youth. Our plan for success is based on the principal of looking out for “number one” – ourselves! We prefer to experience life to the fullest on our own terms and perhaps ignore wise counsel and conventional standards.

Everyone usually agrees that they want to live a long, healthy life, but no one wants to get old! Getting older is just not very appealing! We experience aches and pains in muscles and joints, physical stamina decreases, and sometimes those “senior moments” occur with our memory. If we are completely honest, no one really wants to look old or be perceived as elderly.

Seeking “the fountain of youth” is nothing new, but our obsession with it continues to consume us. Look at the millions of dollars spent on the pursuit of beauty and perfection. We just want to delay the inevitable as long as possible and feel and look young again.

Now for reality . . . .

UNLESS YOU DIE IN YOUR YOUTH, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, YOU MUST DEAL WITH AN AGING BODY AND GENERALLY SOME LOSS OF MENTAL ACUITY!

Your social status, finances, educational level, intellect, gender, ethnic background, nor religion will be a factor. This, unfortunately, is a fact of life.

A time may come when a reversal of roles will need to take place between you and your parents. You will be needed to help make important decisions about health care, financial concerns, lifestyle changes, and possibly assisted living arrangements. An occasional telephone call cannot give an accurate assessment of our aging parent’s physical or mental health nor ability to take care of themselves. You need to spend time with them, observe their current situation, and become acquainted with their social community. Elderly parents become experts at trying to manage on their own sometimes long after assistance is needed.

If you live a good distance away, make certain that your contact information is given to several of their friends and neighbors for emergencies and any concerns that may arise. Have a designated local ally, relative, or friend (preferably someone younger than your parents) who will go check on them after a weather event, power outage, or when you are away on vacation. Make certain this person is unbiased and will give accurate updates on their condition, not only what your parents want reported. This is just smart planning!

Please understand that I am not implying children must become caregivers in order to honor their parents. Assisted living care and senior communities as well as skilled nursing care facilities today are much improved over the nursing homes of the past. Most areas offer several options for in-home care services, as well. If you do choose to bring your elderly parent to live with you, or you move in with them, consider carefully the impact this will have on your entire family. The most important thing is to spend time with them and express your love and appreciation. Continue to make memories, even if they no longer remember your name. No medical, nursing, nor geriatric training is required! I have told my child that I do not want to burden his life in any way. However, I would like to be provided with quality care – good nutrition, medical services, social stimulation, cleanliness, and frequent visits, if possible.

In looking back at the Ten Commandments, you may notice that this commandment #5 about honoring our parents is the only one of the ten with a promise attached. The promise is long life. Unfortunately, it does not specify the quality of that long life. Perhaps, we need to begin early to keep our bodies healthy and strong and our minds sharp and challenged so that we can enjoy life at every stage!