My Forever Memories of You- children's version

Note to Parents or whoever is helping the child fill out this book:

When my husband died at age 37, I was heartbroken. Yet one of my main concerns was for the pain my four children were going through. As much as I hurt, I knew their world was ripped apart as well. My children ranged in age from 2 to 17 years old. My oldest tried to take on responsibilities that were way beyond what he should handle at the time. Some of the kids were afraid to share their pain with me because they knew I was already hurting and didn’t want to add to my pain. Another acted out in ways they never had before. One was terrified to leave my side in case I died, too. The youngest went up to strange men in the grocery store and said, “My daddy died! Will you be my daddy?”

I found a great grief support group for my kids so they could share their feelings without fear of hurting me. It was important to let them see me cry but to reassure them I would be OK. I let them know I was just missing their dad; that I would not cry forever. My oldest needed to know I would not completely lose it…that I would still be able to care for our family. Don’t hide your grief. Children need to know it’s OK to grieve. But give them hope in their grieving. Reassure them they are not alone and you will be there for them… and so will the Lord. Talk to them about the promise of heaven and that someday there will be no more death or tears. Some day we will be reunited with our loved ones.
Not only did my children and I get through our grief together, but we all grew closer together and stronger in spirit. It’s been over 20 years since my husband died. My kids have all grown up, married and have children of their own. All four of them ended up working in jobs that help others. I’m certain that is a direct result of dealing with their dad’s illness and death. As for me- for over 20 years, I’ve stood with adults and children grieving the loss of their loved ones as a Grief Recovery Specialist. I pray some of the things we’ve gone through will help you and the child you are helping.

Plan activities to work through your grief together:

• One of my favorites. This really helped my children and a lot of kids since. Get a soft cuddly stuffed animal and tie a small photo of their loved one around the neck. They can hug it at night or whenever they miss their loved one
• Let a helium-filled balloon go up to the sky with a note to their loved attached
• Eat your loved one’s favorite meal together and share memories
• Fill out this book together
• Create a photo album together
• Go fishing, bowling, or shopping together (or some activity they loved doing with their loved one)
• Watch a movie they loved watching with their loved one.
• If they inherited a collection from their loved one, mount it in a shadow box as a permanent keepsake.
• One of my young friends got an unfinished wooden box and decorated it to hold her mom’s ashes.
• Another got a locket to wear filled with her loved one’s ashes.
• Plant a tree or garden in honor of a gardener.
• Have the children help decide who to donate their loved one’s clothes, shoes and personal items to.
• Ask the child if they want to help go through items with family. It can be an important time for sharing memories. However, don’t make them if they don’t want to.
• Go on a road trip you went on with your loved one… or venture out to a new place they would have loved.

Be patient with the crazy ups and downs in everyone’s emotions. Feelings will be all over the place as everyone works through their grief in different ways. Children will often go from heavy crying straight to joyful play, and then to throwing an ugly fit over some silly thing. Just as adult emotions are all over the place, so are kids’ feelings. Try to keep their routine as normal as possible. Of course, most of the time, it is a whole new normal! Children need to have some stability in their lives as they adjust to such a major loss in their lives.