Fabulous Faithful & Free

Why should you read this book?

Good question.

Maybe you’re just curious about the title or the picture on the cover. Maybe you like beauty pageants and think you might get some hair and makeup tips. And if that’s all you want out of it, that’s all you’ll get. Frankly, you’ll just be wasting your time.

What you get out of this book is the same as you get out of life -- it depends on your Why. If you’ve got a little why, you’ll make very little effort, and get very little results. If you have a great big Why, you’ll take huge action and get unbelievable results.

Read this book because you want to be fabulous. I won’t let you down.

Pardon My French: Self-Esteem Sucks.

There’s one thing you should know about me right off. I hate self-esteem! If you’ve got any self-esteem right now, I want you to just throw it right out the window.

“Hang on!” I can hear you saying it. “I picked up this book about being fabulous because I want to feel better about myself. I want more self-esteem, better self-esteem, not less! Juanita, you’re crazy.”

Listen, I want you to feel great about yourself. I already know you’re fabulous, and I want you to know it, too. But I don’t want you to sit around trying to build up your self-esteem when you could have something so much better.

We hear a lot about building up children’s self-esteem, or helping women gain self-esteem to make positive changes in their lives. What it usually comes down to is affirmation: hearing good things about yourself, or saying them to yourself. Affirmation is lovely. It’s a good tool in its place. Lord knows, I like hearing it! But affirmation doesn’t actually change the way you think about yourself, down deep. It doesn’t change your choices, and it doesn’t change the trajectory of your life.

Self-esteem that comes from someone else’s affirmation keeps you dependent on other people’s opinions. It’s shallow, because it comes from things other people notice. It can even drive you to unhealthy relationships, because it’s a vacuum that always needs filling with attention and praise.

I want you to develop something much better: self-worth and self-efficacy. These mindsets free you from other people’s opinions and create a deep well of security that can carry you on the long road to success. They are with you in good days and bad, because you can cultivate them with deliberate action.

Self-worth is understanding your identity. You are unique, with gifts and experiences that allow you to do something in the world nobody else can do quite the same way. In my faith, we call it “created in the image of God.” You may call it basic human dignity. Either way, it means that people are precious. They should be treated with love, respect and kindness. You should be treated with love, respect and kindness, not because you did something special or you’re so smart or so pretty, but because you are a human being. It’s simple right and wrong.

You see the difference? Self-worth isn’t a feeling. It’s a principle. It never changes. You’re not ever going to stop being a precious human being because you feel fat, or lost a job, or made a mistake. Self-worth puts you into healthy relationships, because you see that other people are precious too, and you treat them with love, respect and kindness.

Self-efficacy is confidence that you can do a particular task or learn a particular skill. It’s feeling like “yeah, I could do that.” The amazing thing about self-efficacy is that it grows and spreads. You may not have a lot of amazing skills right now, but there is something in life you feel competent to do, and some small step further that feels doable. The more skills you master, the bigger your circle of efficacy gets, and the further you’re willing to stretch.

Here’s the secret - everything is a skill that can be learned. Communicating with loved ones? Skill. Studying? Skill. Interviewing for the job you want? Skill. Public Speaking? Skill. Dressing like a beauty queen? Skill. You can learn them, and mastering skills makes you believe and have a certain level of faith that you can learn many others. Self-efficacy is the “sustainable green energy” of your life, because you can’t use it up and you can always grow more.

What is Fabulous?

Okay, so what exactly is being Fabulous? It might be a little different for everyone. Here’s what it means to me: Fabulous is looking great and feeling great, but it’s so much more than that, too. Fabulous means being a woman of substance, accomplishment, and integrity. It means having high ideals and following through on them. It means working -- working hard -- for the betterment of yourself, your family, and your community. It means discovering who you are, honoring who you are, and growing into what you want to become. Most important, it means loving yourself completely without exception – flaws and all!

To be Fabulous, you must be Faithful to your true self and your highest values. You must know and accept your strengths and your weaknesses. You must choose a path that you’re proud to claim, and walk it with daily decisions that follow through on your commitments. It takes a strong purpose, a growing character, and something I call GRIT (I’ll tell you all about that later.)

The journey from Faithful to Fabulous will also make you Free - free of limiting thoughts and fears. Free from dependency on other people's approval. Free from past mistakes or life obstacles. Free to fulfill your dreams and your potential, and make a positive impact in the world. Free to enjoy your work, your relationships, and your success.

Now you may be wondering who I am, and why I’m qualified to tell you anything. Maybe that picture on the cover makes you feel like I don’t know anything about your life or where you come from. Let me tell you a little about my life and where I come from. We probably have more in common than you think!