Let Go and Live

And this is eternal life, that they may know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.

—John 17:3

What is life?

This is a question that has been pondered for many centuries by many great people from all walks and beliefs. The answer is always different and usually unique in its interpretation. This is not a question for a few or a chosen people; rather, it is an everyday question for everyday people.

Life is ever before us, and the answer that we give defines the very being that is within us. We are on a test track for eternity—a proving ground for the words we believe, speak, and act upon. The answer to life lies deep and hidden in the fabric of our being, just waiting to be revealed. When the layers of life are peeled back and the veil is removed, we have a clearer image of a new creature in a new creation—a creature transformed in a view of a creator. It is a perfect opportunity of heaven interchanging with earth in the personal work of a Holy God and his Son, Jesus.

And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. (Revelation 12:11)

I want to share this very personal part of my life because I truly believe there is power in his testimony that he surely shares with the people he loves. It was in letting go that I obtained life, and it was in the power of his testimony that I was able to begin to have victories. You may ask yourself what would qualify you for such a gift. Only believe!

But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue official, “Do not fear, only believe.” (Mark 5:36)

My story started in what seemed like the deepest recess of darkness that I could care to remember. I was only sixteen years old the first time I knew God was pulling on my heart. I yearned for freedom, as most teenagers do, but I had no concept of what freedom actually meant. Freedom at that time was getting out on my own away from the structure of my family, and it came at a great sacrifice. The price of freedom isn’t cheap, and it usually accompanies a degree from the school of hard knocks. Little did I know that Christ was my freedom from my perception of life.

For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)

At times, our lives play out a lot differently than we perceive they will or should. We look at a carnal means to survive and to be successful, but life presents itself as so much more. We gauge success by what we accomplish in life, and we fulfill our lives through the experience of it. Our perception of life is truly rocked when life itself enters the scene. When God reveals himself to us, it is a monumental moment because everything is about to change. I dismissed his calls at the time, but God never left. He remained right by my side, even though I didn’t desire him.

Thoughts are unspoken words that have yet to be birthed by the power of the tongue. Thoughts often turn into words that shape and mold what we perceive and believe. Many decisions start with thoughts and then with words. I was beginning to value the choice of my thoughts and words. They are more powerful than we could ever imagine. I couldn’t wait to leave home, and I got my wish.

I left home to join the military, and I was going to serve in my first deployment overseas. Before my departure, my dad shared with me his wisdom and passion for life, which was family and living for them. He was devoted and faithful to us. He gave his life for us and was always a man of his word. Integrity and truth were vital parts to having a relationship with him. At the time I couldn’t even be truthful with myself, so I left with few words.

My mom was different. She was nurturing and caring, and even when we were wrong, she would find a way to communicate with us through love. She was a virtuous woman who cared little for herself. Just like my dad, she gave her life for the family. Patience and kindness ran deep in her heart, and forgiveness was a staple in any relationship. Love was her language.

When I was overseas, I lived a very riotous life. I was a product of my own words. Growing up, we have to make difficult decisions that forge life as we know it. When I wasn’t overseas, I resided in the part of Northern California that is known as the Bay Area. It was a long way from West Virginia, where I was raised. When we become consumed with the wrong perception of life, we lose track of what really matters. Although I didn’t tell them at the time, I missed my family dearly. I would cling to the phone calls I received from home. They meant everything.

One afternoon as I was going about my business, I received the most dreaded phone call of my life. My dad had been diagnosed with a very aggressive lung cancer. At the age of forty, he was given a short time to live if immediate action wasn’t taken. My heart dropped from my chest. I felt broken and completely undone at the uncertainty of the unknown. It was a place that none of us wanted to walk, but we were about to do so nevertheless. There was one thing that I was certain of—I needed help, and I needed it immediately. My help had been with me all along, but I had chosen to be blinded to that truth.

So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:6)

When there is no knowledge of God’s love, fear is ever present even at the first sign of trouble. At the time, I had traveled only by plane from coast to coast, but this time I was driving. I packed my bags and headed east into the uncertainty of the unknown. The drive from California to West Virginia felt as if it lasted for an eternity. I had a lot of time to think about my life. We get to know our real selves when we pack all our possessions in a car and holler, “Road trip!” It seems as if we can become completely lost.

Life certainly happens whether we are ready or not. Most things are hidden from our understanding until we experience and have a go-around with them. Over the few years I was in the service, I crossed many miles of oceans without knowing the depths of them. At least when we had fire drills, one of the officers would yell, “Closest land is seventeen hundred feet, so let’s get this fire out!” Sometimes things aren’t as visible as we would like them to be, but we have to move forward.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. (Hebrews 12:1)

To be honest, the race I was running was a race of destruction, and it was leaving a path of lies in its wake. Alcoholism, drug addiction, and divorce were far from my thoughts, but my heart was speaking loudly as my lips would oppose anyone who wanted to help. Our words always have a way of revealing the true nature of our hearts. I had plenty of time in that car to convince myself that I was tough and that I would be able to hide my true feelings from my dad. Boy, was I wrong.

Most always, a kind word and a demonstration of love is all we need. This can help to break up the hard ground of our hearts and prepare them for seed. What I am most thankful for is my family, which God placed me with. I remember opening the front door of my home, and there was my family to greet me with kind words and open arms of love to relieve me.