Cupcakes, Yoga, and Jesus

On the morning of my son’s sentencing, he came down stairs in five layers of clothes because he said jail was cold. I did not bother to tell him that they had their own style of clothing for him and it came in black and- white stripes or bright orange. Here’s what’s strange. I realized that I was walking my son straight toward my biggest fear. Holding his hand, no less.

We arrived at the courthouse and were waiting on a bench in the hallway when I witnessed my first miracle. I saw a vision of Jesus reflected in the Plexiglas window across from us. I am not kidding. I saw Jesus sitting next to us on the bench. My counselor had encouraged me to keep a journal, and I had begun drawing illustrations of what I was experiencing. There He was waiting with us. Waiting for me to give my son back. After all, He had only loaned him to me. So there I was sitting between my son and God the Father’s son, Jesus. I did not miss the irony of this vision. And I hope you don’t either. My son started to cry and said he did not want me to go in the courtroom to see him handcuffed. I said okay. I was sure that I would have screamed. And as we hugged good-bye, he whispered in my ear that he was not clean. There was nothing left to say. It took only a few minutes, and his lawyer came out and said, “He is gone.” The biggest tear of my life rolled down my cheek. At that moment, I felt like I got sucker punched in the gut. I felt the air leave my body, and I staggered backward. I asked the lawyer what to do now, and he said call the jail and see when visiting hours were. I asked, “How long did he get?” He got one hundred days. Every time I read this the tears start to well up in my eyes again and again and again … I will never forget the day I got out of God’s way. Or should I say God got me out of His way … to my son.

So I went to my car and called my husband and my ex-husband with the news and drove home. Will you think I am nuts if I tell you that Jesus was in my passenger seat? I felt His presence. I could also sense the figure of an angel flying over the top of my car, dressed in a long white robe with wings, his long white hair flowing in the wind, emanating radiance. Was this my guardian angel? I had no idea what to do next. Just go home? Everything felt different. What was I supposed to do now? Where is the book on what to do the day your son goes to jail? I mean seriously. There are so many books on just about every DIY project you can imagine. But where was the book about what I was supposed to do for the next hundred days? I would soon learn there is a book. It is called the Bible.

I pulled in my driveway, and the phone rang. You guessed it. At last the Born Again Birthday phone call, May 18, 2011. His one phone call from jail. He was beside himself crying. The guard had to try to get him to calm down to talk to me. All I could think about was how my handsome son would be raped or beaten or both. But out of my mouth came these very words: “You need to visualize yourself surrounded by a suit of armor. With a shield and helmet. That will be God protecting you. Now pull yourself together and stop crying. You have to be strong. I will be there to see you as soon as I can.” The guard told me visiting hours were Saturday. This was Wednesday. How would I survive till then? How would he survive without me? I hung up and began to wail in mourning. I felt like my son had died. God had gotten me out of his way.

I ran to my neighbor Theresa N., and she comforted me. She was so kind just to hold me and let me cry. She just listened. I will never forget her gift that day. Then I walked back home and noticed on my front porch a party bag with the name Jesus on it. Inside was my very first Bible. It was from my dear friend Stephanie W., who is a beautiful, strong Christian woman. She had put several quotes on a card in there for me to read. I know now they are called scripture passages, not quotes. She had written the addresses. The first one I looked up was Ephesians 6: 10—17, The Armor of God (NKJV). I hit my knees and gave my life to Jesus. I was reborn at that very moment. My second miracle had occurred. I was saved by Jesus. How did I know those words before in the car on the phone with my son? There is only one answer … God. God had given me those words. God had given me a sign that He would protect and care for my son. He was the only one who could save us. I called my friend to thank her and said I was so scared to see my son behind bars. I thought I might faint, cry, and scream. I did not know how I would handle it. She told me that when I went to visit him to visualize angels surrounding us. One in front, one behind, and one on each side. I had finally learned to trust God. I didn’t need my helicopter for rescue missions anymore.

All I needed was my angels and s’more God’s love.