Characters of the Bible

Balaam: Wrong Place Wrong Time (Numbers 22:21-39)

She couldn’t get around too easily. She used a walking cane and it was evident to me, even as a First Grader, that she could easily be out ran in the event that should ever be needed information in a classroom. I remember she had blue hair. I believe this is where Senior Adults were first called “blue hairs” because ladies at that time put something in their hair to get rid of the gray only to have their hair turn blue. Despite her limitations she was a strong lady. She did not accept anything from her class except their best behavior. I always struggled with those kinds of expectations in school work as even at that young age. It was always more fun being the class clown.

My scariest memory of her was one day, after returning from recess, I walked into the same room she was in. Upon my entrance I immediately felt her displeasure with me. Of all the things I’ve done wrong, I wondered, which one did she catch? I looked around and the girls in the room didn’t seem worried with her, but shocked to see me. She approached me and hit me hard on the arm with her cane and told me, “Get out of this room and never let her catch you here again.”

Then she poked me with the cane and stated the same warning, “Get out of this room and never let me catch you here again!”

Can you believe this assault on an “innocent” child? The aggressiveness in which she dealt with me was shocking and scary. I immediately turned and ran out of the room believing that she would hit me with the cane once more. “Get out of this room and never let me catch you here again!” Those words still haunt me to this day.

Even at that young age I was shocked at the violence demonstrated on me. Is this what is meant by the “Board” of education? Can a teacher actually get away with telling a student to get out of a room and never return? Isn’t “caning” against the law in this country? And if not, shouldn’t it at least be unlawful against First Graders?

Of course, there’s part of the story I haven’t shared yet. I was in the Girl’s Restroom. And yes, I knew what I was doing.

It seems that a good portion of my life has been spent in places I shouldn’t have been. Oh, more times than not I knew better. I just went there anyway. Sometimes to flirt with sin and other times to just flat out ask it out on a date! God always tried to communicate with me about better paths to walk, but I wouldn’t listen. Throughout history God has chosen a variety of methods to communicate with us. Elijah once listened for God through a mighty wind, an earthquake, and in a fire. Finally Elijah heard the Lord in a still small voice.

While Elijah and other people respond to the gentle whisper of the Lord, I’ve always been a little hard of hearing and a slow learner. The whisper is exchanged for a heavenly 2 x 4 upside the head. If you look at my forehead close enough you can actually see the “Yellow Wood” brand etched into my skin! I discovered wooden canes work too.

When I was growing up there was a popular show on television called “Mister. Ed.” It was the story of a talking horse and the troubles he’d get into with a human owner. Perhaps I would have listened better if God had provided a talking horse. God actually used that method once although it was a donkey rather than a horse.

Balaam, a prophet of God, was guilty of the same thing I was. He tried going somewhere God had told him specifically not to go.

The Israelites were making their trek toward the Promised Land. In the process they had annihilated several societies on their path. Balaam had been summoned by his king to explore the coming Israelites and place a curse on them. The king, of course was worried that he and his people would be destroyed as well. Balaam, after being told by God not to comply with the king’s request, refused the king. The king then sent his servants again to plead and offer even greater riches for him to fulfill the king’s wishes. When he refused again he told the servants to wait until morning while he got another word from God. Isn’t it funny how we keep asking God for things even after He says no? This time, however God, giving Balaam over to his greed, said, “Go.”

I have a feeling Balaam was trying the “Look at me, I’m the good guy” while also balancing the trip in the hopes of making a few bucks and satisfying some selfishness in his life. I’ve played that game too Balaam! As long as I look holy, I must be holy, right? God, of course could see he wanted to enter the girl’s restroom and granted permission even though the trip made God angry!

As Balaam was on his way, his donkey saw what was looming ahead. No problem, it’s just my First Grade Teacher with her cane. Well, actually it was an Angel from the Lord with a big sword aimed to kill them. The donkey, seeing with eyes Balaam had apparently closed in the girl’s restroom, came to a stop and turned off the road only to be whipped by Balaam and redirected onto the road.

On round two, out of fear, the donkey, seeing the Angel of Death again, ran Balaam into a wall smashing his foot. I’ve always heard you shouldn’t give children spankings when you’re angry. Balaam apparently hadn’t heard this for donkeys. The smashing into the wall got the donkey another whipping. Balaam apparently had a cane of his own.

Finally, on the third attempt the donkey just laid itself down out of fear of the Angel of the Lord. Balaam started beating the poor animal with his staff. That’s when the donkey started talking! He questioned why Balaam was whipping him. It was during the conversation that God opened the eyes of Balaam and he saw the teacher with a cane in the girl’s bathroom. Well, sort of, he was finally able to see the Angel of death himself. The Angel questioned him on the beating of the donkey as well as why Balaam had decided to go into the girl’s restroom or defy God’s wishes in going to a place God had forbid him to go. Balaam, realizing his sin, admitted he shouldn’t be in the girl’s bathroom.

So what does it take to keep us out of the wrong place at the wrong time? Can we avoid the flirtation with devastation? Can we defy the lies that lead us to desiring something God is not in favor of? I would hope we can learn to listen to the voice of God in the gentle nudge, whisper, or still small voice. If not, there’s always walking canes, 2 x 4’s and talking donkeys.

So, “Get out of this room and never let me catch you here again!”