Hand Over Fist

As a pastor and writer, I am in constant conversation with a wide variety of beliefs in and around the scope of Christianity. I often find myself playing referee between Christians, while unbelievers look on in bewilderment at the stark contrast between our message of grace and our family feuds. Lifelong church involvement and 23 years of church ministry have given me a front row seat to the diminishing civility that has come to define the way in which Christians discuss controversial issues. It is no surprise we seem to be known more for our internal battles than for a united message of grace. We can and must do better. While many resources define and defend our beliefs, there exists a need to directly address the growing problem of incivility among Christian brothers and sisters when those beliefs differ.

We need a hand.

We need the humility to open our hands and ask for help, the boldness to lift up our hand to incivility and say, “enough,” and the confidence to hold out our hand to offer help and guidance to others. That’s hard to do with a clenched fist. This book is an appeal to the church to unclench our fists, open our hands, and help address the problem of incivility.

Sounds good, right? If we were face to face, you might offer your open palm for a high five, and I would take you up on it. But what’s next? We need context; a first-hand account of the problem. That’s where we’ll begin. You’ll see just how pervasive incivility is in our culture, and sadly, how the church often looks no different.

Then we’ll examine the ways people from various disciplines and points of interest are seeking to get a handle on this problem, gaining valuable insight from the worlds of conflict resolution, communication, business, family systems theory, and even my daughter’s eyeball.

In addition, I am very excited to introduce you to a couple of principles that I believe are two of the best kept secrets followers of Jesus can apply in order to express a civility grounded in conviction and compassion. One involves learning how to listen and look for the story behind the words we use when we communicate. There’s often more happening behind the words than the words themselves could ever convey. The other will help us see how the best solution to some problems is no “solution” at all. Instead, the best and maybe the only way forward is to manage the tension created by two sides that oppose each other, but need each other (kind of like my marriage, but that’s another book).

The primary goal of this book is to provide the Christian community with tools to recognize various forms of conflict, interpret those conflicts appropriately, and engage those conflicts through a conversational process that equips and empowers Christians to participate in civil discourse.

To that end, this book explores why civility is important and how Christians can approach conversations in manner that facilitates unity within the Body of Christ, and improved witness to the world.
And the solution to all of it, is in the palm of your hand. Now how ‘bout that high five? Let’s get started!

“What can we do to stop the incivility epidemic in politics, at work, at home and even in the church? Start by reading this book. Combining humor and wisdom, stories and truth, Kevin Glenn invites his readers to follow Christ in a movement toward compassionate civility that will yield spiritual, emotional and relational rewards for those who accept his invitation.”

- Dr. David T. Lamb,
Associate professor of Old Testament, Biblical Seminary
Author of God Behaving Badly

“Civil disagreement and even debate, when done in the spirit of Christ, are healthy and helpful. But when disagreements descend into second-guessing motives, distortions of one another’s words, mischaracterizations of one another’s views, and personal attacks, then we’ve moved into the flesh. The net is that the name of Jesus gets tarnished in no small way. So how do we change that? Kevin's book contributes to this question with elegance, grace, and humor. And I'm glad it exists.”

- Frank Viola
Blogger, Speaker, Author of Jesus Now, Revise Us Again, Beyond Evangelical, frankviola.com

“Kevin Glenn's Hand Over Fist offers hope to those in the front-lines of the Christian faith that an open-handed generosity of spirit and gentle civility can turn conflicts of interest into communities of imagination and integrity.”

- Lori Wagner
Pastor, Poet, Co-Author of The Seraph Seal

“Hand Over Fist presents us with on-the-ground, everyday practices of “critical thinking” that make true criticism a form of cheer-leading and civility. Here is a book that shows how, when criticism lashes out at you, red in tooth and claw, you can keep it red, but red in forgiveness and compassion.”

- Dr. Leonard Sweet
E. Stanley Jones Professor of Evangelism – Drew University, Distinguished Visiting Professor – George Fox University, Semiotician, Author of The Well Played Life, Giving Blood, and co-author of Jesus: A Theography