Living After Death
Comfort for Those Who Mourn
by
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Unit 2 Goal
The goal for our time together is to deal with that which has taken place in a healing way, discovering and dealing with the “new now” and knowing there is a future. Handling grief is not as simple as giving things away or being so busy we have no time to think. Grief is not a single act, but a series of things accomplished over a period of time, should I say years. Do not be frightened with the reference to “years.” Focus on accomplishing today’s task and the period of time needed will take care of itself. Beginning grief can be overwhelming, with some individuals, it is inactivity with no strength or desire to get through the next hour. Others are consumed with busyness, an endless motion pushing self to the limits, not allowing unwanted thoughts to enter. In handling or dealing with grief, it is openness to each area of life, facing these volatile places with assurance knowing you have survived the event, and you can deal with the memory. This will take time, as you will notice identified several times over, there is no rush or push to an imagined finish. We approach today with its valued thoughts and experiences seeking to deal with them in manageable segments.
Unit 9 Hitting Bottom
Grief is multi-directional, it is this pulling backward to the past and pushing forward to the future, downward in our emotions and upward in faith. We are constantly fluctuating somewhere amid the four. Early in the grieving process, we spend a lot of time in the past while trying to adjust to the present. Further along in the grieving process we spend more time thinking of the future, than the past and adjusting to the present. Somewhere in the early weeks or months of grief comes the awareness of life gradually flowing in a downward direction, “I feel like this is getting worse.” No matter what is done life is not as good as we thought, in fact, it feels not as good as yesterday. The loss reality becomes greater. We wonder if there is something wrong with us. Will there be a bottom? The answer is yes, there will be a bottom to the grief experience and it was not at the death or the days after the funeral. The “bottom” comes some point in those months, or longer, following death, when we realize “my loved one is not coming home.” One of the hardest moments in the grief experience is when we come face to face with this reality, “they are not coming back.”
Personally, one of my most difficult times in helping others was in speaking with a mother whose daughter died in a car accident. The daughter was sixteen. We spent many counseling hours together speaking of the loss, reviewing and remembering. Then one day she looked at me and said, “You mean my little girl is not coming home?” This realization came eighteen months after the accident. Everyone is different. Some have come to this realization in a few months, some longer. It is relationship, personal make up, how they died, what difficulties need worked through, our understanding of death, and numerous other things, which go into this realization. The length of time is not a reflection of strength, weakness, better or worse, good or bad. The focus is the grieving individual, not deflecting grief as if avoidance were the goal. Focus is allowing you to be open, to be drawn to the memory or feeling by giving expression in a healing way. (Speaking, keeping a journal, thinking, praying, remembering) This is the life you lived with, the one you love. Remembering is not a bad thing. Grieving their absence is our way of healing. We do so in manageable segments.
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About the Book
Living After Death: Comfort for Those Who Mourn stands ready to support the individual who faces the greatest challenge in his or her life: living after the death of a loved one. Drawing upon three and one-half decades of experiences as a pastor, hospice chaplain, and counselor, David C. McGee presents approachable, engaging, and gentle treatments that define grief, that offer healthy ways to express grief, that unmask some of the misconceptions about grief, and that help to dismantle the barriers that stand in the way of embracing grief’s healing effects.
Living After Death organizes ninety-seven units on diverse topics into five sections that cover the various ways grief makes its influence known after a loved one dies. The sections’ titles give a sense of the journey one may take by reflecting on the comfort the book offers: “I cannot believe this has happened,” “How bad can this get,” “Somewhere between what was and what will be,” “Reclamation, repossession, and restoration,” and “Rediscovering yourself.”
When—not if—someone you care about dies, Living After Death: Comfort for Those Who Mourn can give you the tested and dependable guidance that emerges from reflecting upon decades’ of encounters with people in the midst of grief. It provides ways for you to practice self-care when you are mourning and suggests how to accept your loss, to embrace the strengths of human nature, and to trust in God.
About the Author
David McGee has served as a pastor, hospice chaplain, and counselor for more than thirty-five years. In his ministry and his writing, he skillfully entwines grief, life, and faith to create a foundation for individuals dealing with death and seeking to rebuild their lives, offering stability in precarious times.