Parenting Children into Wholeness
Strong, Lifelong Relationships with Your Children and Maximized Potential
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
Part 1
Things to Keep in Mind
There Is No Perfect Parent
Many good parents carry the burden of shame and guilt over mistakes that have happened or something that didn’t turn out as expected. In hindsight, it is very easy to see things we could have done differently. Destroying yourself with guilt and shame doesn’t make up for what went wrong. No matter how good a parent we work at being and how many parenting books we read, there may still be things we won’t know how to handle. At some point or another, we still will make mistakes, and some things may not turn out as expected. Because there isn’t a perfect human being and there aren’t perfect circumstances in this life, it is impossible to be a perfect parent. This book is meant to inspire parents, grandparents, and others involved in raising a child to make the best of what is available. It is meant to support parents in the process of making necessary changes to get better results out of impacting the lives of your children. We all can make our lives better, and equally, we can improve our parenting skills.
It is easy to wish we could go back and do some things differently. And while we can’t undo the past, we can do something about now to make a difference in the future. Our focus should be on what we can do, starting today, to improve the results we hope for moving forward. No matter what stage we are at in the parenting journey, we can improve. If things didn’t start right, we can make positive changes. The only thing we should never expect is to be a perfect parent. Instead, we do our best and stay gracious to ourselves because sometimes things will go wrong. If God gives us grace, we need to grow into receiving that grace, as well as giving it. When you beat yourself up, you are simply taking away energy that you could use helping your family. Acknowledge when things aren’t right, learn from it, work toward a better tomorrow, and show your love. Forgive others by loving and forgiving yourself.
Parenting Is about Your Child’s Life
Our number one reason for having children and raising them is so that they can grow up and have their own lives. Having children is one of the most selfless things we can ever do on earth, and it never turns out well when done for selfish reasons. Our children are here to fulfill a purpose that is put in them by God. They are not here to fulfill our needs, even though it feels good to have them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying our children or how wonderful they make us feel as long as that does not become the primary reason in our actions while raising them. Our main goal should always be to support them and help them figure out their purposes. Their lives are separate from ours as parents, and we must prepare to release them wholeheartedly when the time comes, which is one of the hardest things to do.
Our children are not meant to be our friends while we are raising them. It is important to keep checking whether what we are doing is for the good of the child or because it feels good to us. For example, if we give our child candy because it makes them happy, and we enjoy seeing them happy, is the candy for the good of the child or because the results feel good to you? Our focus on what’s best for our children will keep us disciplined in our choices and actions for them.
Some parents unconsciously use their children to fulfill them. Instead of focusing on what the child needs, they get what they need out from the child. For example, when a lonely parent manipulates a vulnerable child to fill that gap of loneliness. In such cases, some parents might guilt their children into not having friends or use blackmail to cause distance between their children and their friends as a way to keep the children to themselves. It can be as simple as watching a movie together or going shopping. The parent gains companionship at the expense of the child. This type of parent/child relationship is unhealthy. While these types of parents hope, things will never change because they are getting emotional support and companionship through the children, the children will most likely end up resenting the parents. Many of these children are unable to maintain a relationship with their parents once they grow up and attain their independence, which then leaves the parents resentful, and the cycle continues. Parents must seek friendship from an equal adult and maintain a selfless parent/child relationship with their children while raising them. When children are raised selflessly, they grow up to be selfless and are in a better positon to give back, not only to their parents but the community at large.
DEALING WITH GUILT
Due to our human imperfections, guilt is bound to show up from time to time concerning how we parent our children like any other area of life. We need to keep in mind the hind sight bias. Sometimes, we make mistakes due to the information we have at the time. Later, we might realize we were wrong but it’s too late. Instead of letting guilt rule, we can admit we were wrong and then take appropriate steps to correct the situation. Nothing is hopeless until we give up. Living with guilt is a waste of time. It is like walking on a trend mill to go grocery shopping. It keeps your mind busy but does not accomplish the results you want. Prayer is one way of getting rid of guilt. Other ways can be talking to someone about your situation and how you feel. You may find out that you are not the only one making such a mistake. You may also find out you didn’t really do anything wrong but need to get information to help you deal with the new things as your children continue to develop. Keeping ourselves educated over time also helps us avoid some mistakes and find ways to correct those we already made. Keep in mind that no parent is perfect including you. Give yourself grace and you will be able to give others grace.
Your Wholeness Matters
A person can only give what he or she has. You cannot raise a child into wholeness before you become whole. It is important to take time to know who you are as a parent and become secure in being you. Who you are makes a greater impact on your children than any teaching you will ever give them. Your children will most likely copy you before they do the things you tell them they should do. Therefore, once you become whole, you demonstrate wholeness without having to talk much about wholeness. How you handle life is how your children learn to handle life. For example, if you are a person who use curse words whenever you get frustrated, your children will see that as the normal thing to do and use the same language. You cannot train your children something you don’t live by or at are least working on.
Wholeness also keeps your energy focused where it needs to be. Living in brokenness takes too much of your energy. Brokenness often causes us to make wrong choices, as well as be in wrong relationships and wrong places, which can cause more hurt to not only the parent but to their children. Inner healing and direction makes life easier, which, in turn, makes us better people and parents. You may read more about wholeness in my book Become Whole, Unbreakable, and Unstoppable.
Formats
Book Details
About the Book
Strong, Lifelong Relationships with Your Children along with Maximizing their Potential is a result of intentional parenting.
Includes general parenting, single parenting, and advanced parenting. Focuses on raising great children, developing healthy and lasting relationships, and maximizing their potential. This brings fulfillment and wholeness in their lives, leaving you happy and fulfilled as a parent.
“Ann Makena has written a parenting book that is an exceptional balance of practical or “real world” strategies coupled with the equally important areas of emotional and spiritual well-being of both the caregiver and the child. She has an innate ability to distill the complexities of parenting into easily digestible concepts. This book is a reflection of her own personal story: amazing…. heroic…. virtuous.” (Dr.Zaccariello, Michael J., Ph.D., L.P.)
“In Parenting Children into Wholeness, Ann Makena has given us a rare look into the vital role of parents. It is rare in two ways. First, it places parents back in the empowered role God intended parents to have in a child’s life as adults who carefully shape and develop character in a healthy atmosphere of loving discipline. It is also rare in being both a wonderful primer for new moms and dads and a deeply thoughtful refresher that encourages veteran parents in their crucial role. Highly recommended reading!” (Pastor Jim Anderson, Senior pastor Harbor church Hastings, & President of HNI)
“Ann Makena has written a manual for parenting that reflects her faith, her experience as a mother and the lessons she has learned from listening to and counseling others. There are many wise reflections on the fundamental principles of parenting. These can create a lifelong relationship with the child. A parent can give their child the wherewithal to live as a confident adult, with a sense of direction and comfort in the decisions they need to make. It is emphasized that even when good parenting is acquired belatedly, there is still the capacity to make changes for the better.” (Dr. Galen Breningstall, MD Neurologist)
“Thank you to Ann Makena for sharing your advice, wisdom, and experience with us again. Ann depicts the realities of parenthood, such as “Being a good parent takes a lot of work.” She utilizes her life experiences, joys/challenges as a mother, and her religious background as a chaplain to provide a framework for parents to build relationships with their children. She even addresses the challenges parents can face in different walks of life, such as single parenthood and parenting a child with special needs.” (Dr. Anna Milz, MD, MPH, Pediatrician)
About the Author
Ann Makena is a wife and a mother. She is an author of other inspirational books. Ann is an independent instructor through community education. She is a co-host of a local TV show. She is an ordained minister and bible teacher. She is a founder of sister charitable organizations in U.S. and in Kenya.
Ann previously served as a full-time hospice chaplain for 10 years. Her experience includes spiritual and emotional support for patients and their families, officiating funerals, and other services. She also volunteered for a Christian counseling crisis center for 4 years. Ann has a M.A in Ministry leadership, M.A in Theological studies, B.S. in Psychology-Counseling, and B.A. in Divinity. She also went through C.P.E. (Clinical Pastoral Education).