Heart Journey: Following Jesus to the Heart of God

Here’s another vignette that became another bend in the road that opened my eyes to the unmistakable hand of God that is active in us and in our domains every day. He is pulling us into his Larger Story.

Tuesday morning, February 17, 2009, I was looking through stacks of books in our family room. We were engaged in a home library fruit-basket-turnover to merge and purge books that had taken over shelves around our house; actually, shelves, tabletops, nightstands, desks, and armoires -- you get the picture. Things like this happen over time. My primary responsibility was to help Jenny decide which books to keep and which books to give away, and sometimes to whom to give a certain book or series of books. This was the very large undertaking that Jenny initiated for the long President’s Day Weekend.

I came across a book by Henri Nouwen that I didn’t recall that we owned. Published in 2001, it was compiled and edited by Timothy Jones who searched through the archives of Nouwen who had died in 1996. Turn My Mourning Into Dancing: Finding Hope In Hard Times is the title of the book. I began reading the Forward and Introduction as I sat on the floor of our family room. Immediately, I was drawn into the story Jones told of visiting the Nouwen Archives housed in the Library of St. Michael’s College in Toronto and he visited the L’Arche Community of Daybreak, where Nouwen spent the last 10 years of his life serving as pastor to the community and to the world.

In the book’s Introduction, I was introduced to a friend of Nouwen’s who had called him one day to get help with mourning the loss of a child what had lived only four hours. At that point I remembered that my friend Veronica, with whom I was to meet that morning, was pregnant. But my interest in the book was in reading about mourning loss myself. I read a few more pages where Nouwen talked about the value in mourning over our sin and how we invite God in to heal us. I decided to carry the 111-page book with me that day for any downtime when I might read a page or two.

At a Starbucks coffee shop, Veronica and I were meeting to talk about a golf fundraising event for InterVarsity, a college movement. We caught up for a few minutes and I asked her how the pregnancy was going. She said that it wasn’t. She told me of the pain, confusion and frustration she was experiencing. She said that it was just last Thursday when the miscarriage was completed. She said that her own mourning had been postponed by a visit from family over the holiday weekend and that just on Monday had she begun to deal with the loss in earnest.

With the challenges of the past year and finally having some good news with the pregnancy, then having the miscarriage, she had thought, “Lord, do you care about me? Are you aware of what’s going on?”

“That must be why I brought this book,” I said. “It’s for you.”

We were both stunned. It was as if we were all of a sudden in a holy place and God’s Spirit was directing the action. Obviously, God was aware and had orchestrated a plan that was started years ago when we were given the book by Jenny’s Mom, then my meeting with Veronica had been postponed a week, and the day of her miscarriage was when we started the library re-organization that led to my picking up the book that morning. God pursues us with His loving heart. He is relentless to win our affection and demonstrate His mercy. And Veronica’s wounded heart was touched and the healing was beginning.

I have shared this story with several folks over the past couple of years and it has encouraged all of us. It will remind us of God’s faithfulness for many years to come. I said that the day was a powerful picture of God’s pursuing love: 1) because God had a special message for one of his own and 2) because he chose to use a broken sinner like me to be a link in the process of delivering his message. This is Good news. Day 11: Matthew 6:5-9 – Solitude – If this devotional becomes too long, please stop and finish it next time. Please don’t feel you have to complete it in one sitting.

5 “Whenever you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites, because they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by people. I assure you: They’ve got their reward! 6 But when you pray, go into your private room, shut your door, and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.7 When you pray, don’t babble like the idolaters, since they imagine they’ll be heard for their many words. 8 Don’t be like them, because your Father knows the things you need before you ask Him. 9 Therefore, you should pray like this: Our Father in heaven, Your name be honored as holy.

As you read these verses, try to pause between each phrase to let the point that Jesus is making sink in. After reading the five verses aloud, sit quietly and consider what the overall emphasis is that you receive from Jesus.

As Jesus continues teaching on motives that lead to methods, what do you make of Jesus’ emotion behind his words of warning about public prayer?

What surprises you in Jesus’ comments about the “hypocrites” in this verse?

Again, we hear Jesus emphasizing privacy and secretiveness. How do you receive his instruction here?

The pattern that we saw Jesus living earlier in Matthew verifies his commitment to private prayer and times of solitude to listen to his heavenly Father. Do you see this pattern as sustainable for yourself? If so, then how would you develop it?

As we read on, Jesus calls out another group. Who are they and what does he say about them?

What reason does Jesus give for the impotence of repetitive prayer? How does that strike you?

If you’re like me, you see how much profound teaching is here. It’s a bit overwhelming. What have you learned about the Father’s knowledge of you and your concerns? How does that feel to you? How might that knowledge change your times of secret with Him?

If you’ve never spent time in quietness and silence before the Lord, do you feel you could do that now? Be sure to write about your experience.

As you enter the next part of your day, what impression of Jesus will you carry with you from his teaching on prayer?