Changed Forever

As each day passed, it became clear that this was a true miracle from God. I was a changed person inside. It was like I’d had a bad dream where I was a raging alcoholic and faced so many grueling consequences, only to wake up completely sober. However, this was no dream. I was an alcoholic who had fallen deep into addiction. To not feel the monster calling me to pick up a drink was truly incredible. I was so used to needing alcohol to function that it felt unnatural yet familiar.

I was stepping back into my old shoes, the ones I wore before my addiction took over. Yet my perception of and view on life was altered. Having faced so many dangerous health issues and putting myself in situations that could have cost me my life, I now appreciated living so much more. I had survived three mini strokes. I drove around drunk and got in an accident that almost took my life, but here I stand. I was completely healed, steady, at peace, and without the chains that had me bound.

It was time to get back to living. I wanted to be there for my children. They were my priority, and I needed to be the wife my husband deserved. I basically stepped away from my responsibilities when I started drinking. It was time to redeem myself.

Most alcoholics who stop drinking for a better life had regrets, remorse, and carried guilt before quitting. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was not saddled with baggage. It is a heavy weight to carry when you recover from your addiction because of all the mistakes and bad choices you made while intoxicated. How was I free from this weight? I didn’t hate myself but I probably should have for all the chaos I put my family through. This was not normal—and that’s when I had my next revelation. I was feeling this way because of God’s grace and mercy. He forgave me for my sins. This is what it feels like when God completely forgives you and cleanses your heart from sin. I have asked for God’s forgiveness before for my transgressions and knew I was forgiven because that is what God does when we repent. But I have never experienced the weight of my sins completely washed away. It was the most peaceful, joyful, and calming sense I have ever felt. It allowed me to focus on myself and helped me go on with my life. I was given freedom not only from my addiction but from the emotional turmoil that permeated my life. I was so humbled and in awe of the magnitude of God’s love for me.

I realized this was, in fact, a three-part miracle.

First, God removed my addiction completely from my body so I didn’t have to fight this disease for the rest of my life.

Second, He showed me true forgiveness from all my sins and wrongdoings. His forgiveness enabled me to forgive myself, which allowed me to mend my relationships easier.

And third, He exemplified true agape love, a love I had longed to feel my entire life and was the reason I began drinking.

This was a lot to digest. When I first realized that God removed my addiction, I was in shock; I couldn’t grasp anything else. But as I began to live my life again free from alcohol, I saw the other two gifts He gave me. I was able to restore my relationships with my husband and family because I wasn’t dealing with the burden of self-loathing. I didn’t hate myself, like most alcoholics in recovery do. The fact was, I wasn’t in recovery, I was healed from my addiction. Most alcoholics will remain in recovery mode the rest of their lives. The hard truth is there is no cure for alcoholism. Similar to other chronic illnesses, such as asthma and hypertension, alcoholism is not a condition that goes away after treatment. Instead, treatment for alcoholism is meant to help individuals manage the condition throughout their lives so they will not relapse.

Many recovering alcoholics attend Alcoholics Anonymous, have a lifetime sponsor, and do whatever is necessary to stay sober. There is a 40 to 60 percent chance of relapsing. It is a disease that takes hold of you and is not easy to overcome. To no longer have this powerful disease in your body is nothing short of miraculous. These things happen through divine or supernatural intervention. Biblically speaking, miracles involve God doing something uncommon and usually all inspiring in order to reveal Himself to humankind. This is what God chose to do for me. It has been hard to explain because it defies the laws of nature, and some people do not believe in the supernatural. It would have gone without merit if I did not share my story of the good works God did in my life.