The Gift of Criticism
Making the Most of Critical Communication
by
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Warning
The thoughtful use of criticism requires the utmost respect and skill. It is a potent agent that possesses a duality of character as volatile and delicate as nitroglycerin. Nitro is a colorless, thick, oily, flammable, highly explosive, slightly water soluble liquid, prepared from glycerol with nitric and sulfuric acid. It is used chiefly as a constituent of dynamite, rocket propellants and other explosives. Nitroglycerin is also used in medicine as a vasodilator in the treatment of angina pectoris, which is chest pain just behind the breastbone (the sternum). This pain is typically severe and crushing, with a feeling of pressure and suffocation due to an inadequate supply of oxygen to the heart muscle.
Nitro can take down a massive building, lift a rocket into space, or stabilize the human heart. The intent, context, amount and placement of nitro are significant factors that determine the difference between success and disaster.
When it comes to wisely seeking, presenting or responding to criticism, the same care, caution and skill that is used in handling nitroglycerin is called for.
The Critical Motorist
Driving a motor vehicle is a risky venture, safely undertaken by tens of millions of people on a daily basis in this country and hundreds of millions around the globe. Many behaviors of the critic and critizen are illustrated by drivers. Drivers on the whole tend to present and respond better as operators of vehicles than as presenters and responders to criticism. Among the reasons for this remarkable dilemma are: the required training; the awareness of the potential danger; the rules of the road: signage, warnings, maintenance and improvements in the roadways; clear goals and objectives. The freedom to drive is interlaced with responsibility, some of which is underwritten by mandated insurance. In the realm of communication in general and criticism in particular, there is a vast cavity devoid of required training, skill development or responsibility. There is however, an unmistakable insistence and demand for freedom of speech. Thus, hundreds of millions of people vie for their right to speak, equipped mainly with the tools and tactics of the win or lose, fight or flight mind-set and practice.
The alert driver who sees the possibility of another driver (critizen) drifting into their lane, or driving erratically, will in all likelihood blow their horn as an alert or warning; maneuver their vehicle; slow down or speed up in order to prevent a crash. This is like one person criticizing another person’s driving. Either or both drivers can make the needed correction in order to prevent a crash. The critic and the critizen represent the distinctive sides of a coin, in this instance a driving experience. One side is alert, the other side is unaware, one side is the critic the other side is the critizen.
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About the Book
To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. Aristotle
At the age of 37 I learned to see criticism as a valuable tool, rather than something to be avoided or feared. This came about in the life-altering workshop with Dr. John Savage. My eyes were opened to the possibility, wisdom and power of intentional communication including criticism. This change improved my relationships: personally, family, socially, professionally, academically, financially and with myself profoundly. I confess that up to that point in my life, I had pretty much taken relationships for granted. From that point forward I have endeavored to continually learn about communication and relationships. I now know that it is possible to present and respond to criticism without making things worse, without adding fuel to the fire. I now know that potentially explosive situations can be skillfully defused or diffused, so that people can dance rather than fight, even in difficult situations. I now know that people can move from conflict to conversation and acknowledge the observation and experience of the person offering criticism. This approach makes way for possibilities other than the fight or flight syndrome, manifested as a skunk or turtle mode of survival. Occasionally, there are “freeze” responses resulting in a stalemate.
“Fight or flight” offers the option of going into battle or waving the white flag of surrender, yielding merely a winner and a loser with no resolution.
According to Dr. Hendrie Weisinger, in the introduction of his book, “The Positive Power of Criticism”, the Greek concept of criticism is to serve as a neutral, objective appraisal of ideas and actions. Criticism can be regarded as a judgment, evaluation or an appraisal intended to improve or advance, leading to new resources and skills. For this to be so requires moving away from the attitude and belief that one’s own presuppositions, perceptions, and biases are absolute and correct.
About the Author
Bill Neely is founder and president of Getting Along Better LLC a relationship consulting business focused on enhancing relationships of all kinds in all settings. Communication skills related to criticism offers great opportunity for people in all walks of life to reduce stress while improving interactions with others.