I Beg to Differ

When I think of existence I cannot help but wonder – What is life anyway? Where do I fit in the grand scheme of life? What is the point of it anyway? Is this a test and if so am I passing it? Sometimes when in this state, I prefer to think of the world as a big Hollywood production. It makes it that much easier to swallow all the pain and tragedies that are broadcast before our eyes - day in and day out. How else can one possibly comprehend the extent to which humanity can be inhumane - to a point where taking a life is nothing but a gateway to paradise? Surely, with all this enragement and inhumanity, one cannot be blamed for hoping that it is all a big scum--that somewhere between all these takes, someone will shout CUT!!!!
The voice of reason usually comes knocking at about that time and I am drawn back to reality. At just about that point in time, I always find myself drawn to those wise words – Je pense donc je suis (René Descartes). Don’t ask me why but it seems to be a good start to analyse this mystery that has been with us for time immemorial. Whether for the sake of sanity or rather to affirm my sanity, I am inclined to believe that the thought process itself is in many ways where the truth about life lurks. I have heard both from secular and religious leaders that our thoughts, hence the mind determines where we go in life. Our thoughts define who we are, how we act, and in the final analysis what contributions we make in this thing we call life. So, you see, Descartes was after all onto something. Given that, my rather strange route towards this conclusion appears to make some sense. If this is the case, our actions and thoughts affect life in a general sense. What I mean to say is that we each contribute a certain spice to this thing we call life. If our thoughts determine our actions, then we are responsible for a lot more than we would like to admit. I have to contain myself before I go too far with this thought process. I think what has really brought me to this point is the lack of interest in each other’s well-being. I think that it is rather ironic that in a time when we are more connected than ever before by technology, we are also sadly growing more apart. The obsessions we have towards these little gods of ours coupled with life’s pressures have dealt a thorough blow to our perception of this world. And what is it with all this animosity that knows no age? The shootings whether in schools or office buildings point to this fact. In the midst of this we continue to proudly proclaim NEVER AGAIN, when we have in fact permitted all that we supposedly stand against to penetrate our societies. I am by no means a VIP in the political/international fora and for that matter alone I stand to be ignored. But I think that anyone with some sense has figured out that life is not about ME. It is in fact about contributing to the greater good in some way or another. If one views it from that perspective, it is easier to understand how a people living in apathy have indeed produced a state of apathy. Then there is that matter of that “void”. If you pretend not to understand what I mean then you are most definitely lying to me.
What is that void? That feeling that tugs at our heart strings and just seems to be insatiable. When I was little, I thought it was boredom, so I pursued some game of sorts to keep me entertained. But as I grew older, I thought it was because I had not yet met my calling. The funny thing is I have met people who appear to have lived their lives, but are still trying to figure out how to suppress that annoying void. The void grows so fiercely strange that one can swear it has a voice. It is not an annoying voice, but it is one that can push you to the edge. In many ways it has succeeded. You need only listen to the news and you understand what I mean. It just struck me – it is not so much the voice, but rather the fear it creates in your mind that pushes you to your breaking point. This fear I refer to, is the fear of not realising some mysterious thing of which we haven’t a clue. For me, the fear it has often created in my mind is losing control. The fear pushes one to look for quick fixes in hopes of realising that seemingly unattainable solution. Some have sought it in drugs, alcohol, sex, and even more work; only to become slaves to their own obsessions. I figured that this is either a game we are playing with no rules (just to give it an edge) or we somehow threw out the instructions without realising it. The game we are playing can prove to be dangerous if too many liberties are taken. The unfortunate part is that the prize is our lives. It all comes back to life/lives. That has always been the annoying thing to me about this topic. It seems like it revolves around life and yet we are supposed to somehow figure out what life is. Why couldn’t we have a simple solution to this? To answer that question, I guess being the superior beings that we are, we are expected to solve this mystery. It would make no sense otherwise. Why else would this be? Doesn’t it get boring? I doubt it. If it were that simple and we figured it out, then I guess there would be no reason for our existence. We are after all curious beings and boredom would not bode well with us. So there it is, I will be honest with you, I fear I have confused myself even more about this whole existence thing.
Because there is an answer to this question after all, I refuse even in this state of complete confusion or loss to accept otherwise. I have always believed in the existence of God. I know that not everyone I come across holds this true, but I think that this void is one of many signs that there is a greater being than us. This is a clue meant to bring us closer to this great being. If you pursue this point from a spiritual stance, and by that I mean accepting that we are under the supreme watchfulness of a being far greater than we could ever be, you could then state that this being has the answer. And if there is a way to get closer to this being, then we are more likely to get the answer that we seek. On my part, I have come to believe that all is well provided that God is in control. Believe me, I would know; it is easy to think that one has one’s life mapped out, only to awaken in the midst of a real nightmare. I have played the role of that bewildered being that awakens to everything falling apart, including the very foundation that I had built my image and life. It was in that moment that I realised that we can’t possibly claim with all impossibility that we are in full control. If God is in control, then He alone has the answer to this void that we are talking about.
The void simply indicates a disconnect between us; His creation and Himself. To feel complete and accomplished therefore lies in realising an intimate relationship with God. True fulfilment comes out of securing this relationship. Letting God fill that void, opens the door to fulfil that state of existence we aspire to reach. I am not talking about religious rituals, but rather a relationship in which you can share your deepest fears, dreams, seek forgiveness and know it is there for you, but most of all to know that you are loved unconditionally. The difference here is not that all is made well instantly, but rather that you have someone to turn to when everyone walks out of your door.
This to me is the real meaning of existence. The existence in this case means being free – free from the many shackles that too often confront us in life. In any case, at this point in my life I have come to the conclusion that few if any of our so-called attempts at filling the void work. Pills, hypnosis, therapists don’t always provide us with the much-needed results. I have come to this realisation the hard way, but better this way than languishing in limbo. The way I see it, void = darkness and not in an exciting, mysterious way.