Walking Out of Darkness

There are a lot of reasons to write a book. Some write for entertainment, some for information, some for historical reasons, but I guess I am writing this book in hopes that it reach people where they are, and possibly help them through what they are going through and give them the power to turn to something other than the usual. There is a certain comfort that comes from talking to someone that has been through what you have been through. This is not to say that someone that has only book knowledge, or has only heard of what you are going through cannot help, but there is a camaraderie that comes from people whom have been through the same thing. Empathy is what allows us to identify with someone who has gone through something that we have not. We state that we can empathize with them, that we feel what they are going through, but in reality, there is no substitute for the real thing. One gets a personal perspective when one goes through something. I realize how difficult life is. I also realize that there are many different paths one can travel to get to where you feel like you have made it. We who were left wanting, who feel as though there is something more, or that there is something we are missing in our lives, want to know the answer to the questions we have. You see, when you have spent a life searching for something, but never quite reaching that something, it does something to you. This book seeks to explore the subtle questions, and hopefully provide some answers to those who are seeking more. For those with a past like mine, everything in life was always performance based. Things like love, peace, hope, faith, and unmerited favor, as well as grace, are foreign. I have spent the last six years trying to get to a place that these feelings can be had. So, as you read this book, try to identify, not compare. Try and see if there are answers within these pages that will allow you to get the relief that you so want and need. I only have the answers because of Christ’s love. I have had a very hard time accepting grace, mercy, and love. To me these things are strange. And, as I write this book, I am still seeking release from my past. My past and the feelings I have about it are slowly being rearranged, so that instead of works or performance, I rely on those famous three: grace, mercy and love There are some folks out there that will tell you right up front that they do not like themselves, that they have no goals, no dreams, and very little hope for the future. I know because I was one such person. I can also tell you that change is possible, that if we decide that we no longer want to be miserable, angry, hostile, fearful, resentful, self-hating, and hateful of others, that there is a way to overcome all those feelings, and old tapes that play back in our heads. I am living proof of that. I can also tell you that without the hand of God, there is no saving someone. I am also living proof that with the hand of God, someone can change. And, when I say change, I do not mean small, little inconsequential changes, I mean life altering, mind changing, intense change that switches everything in life from negative to positive. Of course this change I speak about is change that happens over time, with hard work and the hand of God. It does not come easy. But then, nothing worthwhile does. There are times in our lives when we literally stand at a turning point. When we are at this turning point, we have decisions to make; one is to just keep going on in the direction we have always gone. The other choice is to drop the comfort zone, drop the game, and go into a place that allows us to jump into the unknown. That is where my story starts. I have no magic cure, no special pill, no certain procedure that guarantees success, but I do have Jesus Christ as my personal savior, and I also have the Holy Spirit that lives within me. Listening to it, being sensitive to the prompting of the Spirit, being guided by the Word of God, having had a spiritual awakening that changed my life is what has allowed me to be the person I am today. I am not the person I want to be, but I am not the person I was either. I must also state here that this change I speak of is a process. It does not happen overnight. I have wanted to quite several times, just today alone. This is the hardest journey I have ever been on. But, I am gaining insight, revelation, and I am becoming the person I always wanted to be. I have feelings today. I can cry today. I can see someone in need and want to help today. I am no longer filled with hate, envy, malice, fear, and resentment. I am no longer perpetually angry. I have been delivered from myself. I hope that from reading this book, you too will be freed from whatever you are dealing with. For me it has taken prayer, dedication, a willingness to change, and finally doing what I was told. It took me listening to another who knew more than me. And the most important thing was for me to finally give in to a higher power; to release all my pre-conceived notions of who Jesus was, and try to find out who He really is. This is the story of my journey, from start to finish. God bless.